9-0-2-1-oh no you di'in't!

In the week that followed the last edition of this illustrious periodical, there were four milestones: 1) Barack Obama gave an inspiring and sublime speech while accepting the Democratic nomination for the Presidency, 2) a potentially catastrophic,

déjà-vu hurricane soggied the festivities that the Party That Hates Black People (per Kanye West) was going to throw, 3) a Tina Fey impersonator became the Veep nom for the Party That Hates Gays, Choice and Black People (I’m assuming they selected the Tina Fey girl because all the Elvis and Marilyn impersonators were busy), and 4) Beverly Hills 90210 has been reborn, and not only that, both Jennie Garth and Shannen Doherty are gonna be in it! And they’re in scenes together!

Obviously, not all of these events are equally milestone-y. So let’s start with the most impactful one. It is my understanding that the problems began when Kelly and Brenda both wanted to date Dylan, and that led to problems between Jennie and

Shannen — who played Kelly and Brenda, duh — and it is reported that they may have even scratched each other when the cameras weren’t rolling.

In the interest of full disclosure, I don’t think I’ve ever watched a full episode of Beverly Hills 90210. I believe this lack of interest and/or infatuation has to do with the fact that I actually went to Beverly Hills High School. (There is just the one school; there is no West Beverly in the “real” city — and I use that term loosely.) An extremely casual survey leads me to conclude that few of the actual attendees of the non-TV Beverly High found the series very compelling. Perhaps the stories we haven’t divulged are more interesting than those of the writers. (We Normans can be coy and inscrutable. Deal with it.)

But — structure aficionado that I am — I have found an interesting perspective on how 90210 and the socio-political state of our Union relate to each other. (Yes. I have. Really.) Here are the markers in the timeline I’ve devised: 1) when I went to Beverly High, 2) when the first incarnation of the show aired and 3) when this new version has come to the tube. That roughly corresponds to a) Nixon/Watergate, b) the first Bush’s Gulf War and c) mini-Bush’s meltdown.

This clearly indicates that Beverly Hills High School is responsible for the downfall of three Republican regimes. Who knew? Or — to be slightly less exuberant in the analysis — maybe 90210 isn’t the center of the universe, and these arbitrary date-markers just give me a chance to look at the last three cycles of Republican corruption.

The Nixon shenanigans paved the way for earnest ol’ Jimmy Carter; Bush senior begat horny ol’ Bill Clinton; and Bush baby has stretched the limits of credulity and ethics so far that he might have actually opened the door for (wait for it) an African-American to take office.

Does it seem to anyone else that the Republican Party is Homer Simpson and the country is his wife, Marge, co-dependently overlooking all his dysfunctional behavior? Until it gets too extreme (or Karl Rove’s hypnosis rays wear off). Then we all seem to collectively wake up and fire their asses. For a while.

The interesting thing about this latest wake-up nexus — and I hope it’s not just wishful thinking on my part — is that there seems to be a stronger willingness to label corrupt that which is corrupt, and perhaps break the cat-and-mouse cycle that allows this insidiousness to rise another day.

What has impressed me about Barack Obama — confirmed in his acceptance speech — is what Keith Olbermann refers to as the “cut the crap” moment. Senator Obama doesn’t seem content merely to counter the thrusts of his opponents; he strives to tear down the inane playing field altogether. His speech would have been all-that even if he’d just hit his talking points and responded to the naysayers. But he didn’t stop there. He went on to condemn the entire adolescent game of name-calling and sound-byting. He has been a consistent insister on rising above tactics-as-usual, and has largely succeeded in maturing the conversation.

Why, it’s as if the high-schoolers had somehow grown up. And Kelly (Barack is clearly “Kelly”) has risen above the fray whether Brenda is behaving herself or not. And perhaps there won’t be any scratching this time. Or if there is, Biden will do it.

(I think he’s the Tori Spelling character, but I’m not sure.)                

Scott Patrick Wagner’s blog, “Multiple Personality” can be found at blog.scottpatrickwagner.com.