Californicated Redux; or me here fiddling while California burns

By Kelly Feser Eells 01/24/2013


Forrest Mize is one lucky bastard. For he managed to do what I’ve been trying to do since the overturning of Prop. 187, i.e., leave.

Indeed, it occurs to me that Mr. Mize and I were separated at birth, seeing as how I, too, have been paying through the nose for car insurance — with nary a claim in 30-plus years! — in order to keep this way-past-Golden State’s uninsured on the streets.

Similarly, I, too, have lately been the victim of crimes against my person and property, five-out-of-six of which were perpetrated by illegal aliens (proved by my and a couple witnesses’ fingering of said “perps” who, naturally, weren’t prosecuted. Unless you count their having to flee this Land o’ the Fleeced for a few weeks as “prosecution”).

I’ve also been held financially hostage by spurious “laws” that only apply to peaceable taxpayers, e.g., the county shook me down for removing a cracked/lawsuit-waiting-to-happen tree branch from my own property because — gasp! — I had the temerity to remove it without first securing its permission … which was right about the same time my water company board, in an effort to appease a bunch of knee-jerk reactionaries who don’t even consume my H2O, much less live in my community, approved a multimillion-dollar ladder-to-nowhere for some mythical fish that hasn’t been seen in these parts since the 1940s, resulting in my paying triple for water that literally stinks one-quarter of the year.

And let’s not forget the fact that, after paying my health insurance company $56,000 (yes, THOUSAND) in out-of-pocket premiums over the course of nine years — with, again, nary a claim! — I had the audacity to require an MRI and subsequent radiation treatment. Neither of which could get me “high,” yet both of which I ended up paying half for, in order to, what? Subsidize the maternity room care of more “instant citizens”?

But before you snarl “racist,” please think (c’mon, I know you can, past election notwithstanding): Did I once use any term that even rhymes with, say, Texaco? I mean, how’re you so sure that THIS native’s quality of life wasn’t decimated by hordes of invading aliens from, say, Canada? Ha! Who’s the racist now, you elitist gasbag!

As indicated earlier, I’ve been in semi-hate with my resident state — an unpleasant feeling, to be frank — since Prop. 187 was consigned to the dead letter file by Federal District Court Loon, er, Judge Mariana Pfaelzer. [*1] Since that initiative gave our THEN “merely” 55-percent “Democratic” [*2] legislature an idea: “Say, let’s pretend we actually care about the poor, huddled tired masses, then secure the illegal alien vote [*3] for time immemorial!” (Oh, to have been a Bolshevik fly on the wall when Pfaelzer’s ruling came down: “Say, what’s YOUR nanny’s name, Assemblyman (Antonio) Villaraigosa (D-Los Angeles)?” “Like I even have a clue, Rep. (Nancy) Pelosi (D-San Francisco), but she sure can cook!”)

Hell, I loved the poor, huddled tired masses — even the “undocumented” ones. Well, the old coots, anyway, because, really, is it THEIR fault their offspring feel entitled? — not to mention the plain old ordinary born-and-bred indigent … right up until voting in this state became entirely masturbatory. Right up until our legislature (and now, sadly, nay, tragically, this country’s ruling class) decided it would be up to THEM to dictate whom We the People/the masses should feel charitable toward.

Sigh. Nowadays I can barely afford to cut a quarterly check to the Polly Klaas Foundation. Much less offer “ongoing support” to veterans, children’s hospitals, et al. Thanks, desperate-to-stay-in-power Lefties; always a pleasure to see how generous you are with OTHER people’s money.

In closing, Mr. Mize, I envy you your escape! To date, I’ve only managed to convince HALF my family members that paying to live in this godforsaken state is like paying for a boil.
[*1] Spit out her surname phonetically if it makes ya feel any better … or kindly just note that she was appointed to the bench by that — surprise, surprise —insane anti-Semite from Plains, Jimmy Carter. [*2}  A misnomer if there ever was. [*3] Because, to vote in this country, one has to be a citizen, and to be a citizen, one has to speak English, so why in Sam Hill are our ballots printed in SPANISH? Look up the rules becoming a U.S. citizen if you doubt, Thomas. And after you do, care to join me in a class action lawsuit against our secretary of state?

Kelly Feser Eells is a resident of Ojai.


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I've always wanted a definition of "drowning in guilt". I think I found it.
I have lived in Oxnard longer than Mrs. Shulman, eat at BG's, shop at Vallarta and have Latino neighbors and friends. I do not suffer from guilt of my criticisms of newly arrived Latino's and problems they present.
The 14th Amendment was not drawn up to allow foreigners to arrive here pregnant and take advantage of our Constitution, welfare and schools. NO NO NO. It was drawn up to protect the children of slaves, period.
Mr. Mize's excellent essay is regrettable only in that people like Shulman take the anti-Latino portions and use that as a wedge against the whole message. Mize spent just as much time criticizing what has become of California with its bloated bureaucracy and stupid laws. I dare say, when Shulman arrived in Oxnard its business climate, indeed the business climate of all California, was much more vibrant. It's decline has nothing to do with Latino's, it has all to do with stupid liberalism and its reliance on huge, bloated bureaucracy and public employee unions.
I few years ago my house was broken into by young Latinos. I don't hold the whole of our Latino neighbors responsible, but facts are facts.
When whites commit stupid crimes, I shout out "white trash' with the best of them. Like I say, no guilt here.
Mize's essay was great. Try and look at it with and eye for its entirety, not just its criticism of Latino's.

posted by Scapegoat on 1/23/13 @ 08:48 p.m.

This above is a posting error. It belongs to the previous essay by Mrs. Schulman.

Eells essay is hilarious.

posted by Scapegoat on 1/23/13 @ 08:49 p.m.
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