Ordering drinks 101
Bartenders’ advice keeps you off their nerves
By Bill Lascher 07/26/2007
Head to any bar this — or any — weekend and you’re likely to experience one of two things.
Either you’ll piss a bartender off because of your utter lack of bar-ordering etiquette, or you’ll watch somebody else do the same.
Ever on the lookout for the wellbeing of VC Reporter readers, I wish to offer you some tips to guide you toward a night of conflict-free imbibing, at least, until you slither away from the bar into the overly made-up and pseudo-chic masses.
Think of a bar as a machine, one with lots of gears and spinning parts. The machine needs to be well-lubricated — and we’re not talking about how soused you plan to get or what you plan to do in the bedroom when you get home from the bar.
Instead we’re talking efficiency. When a gear slips because you don’t notice the fact that your bartender has his hands, both feet and a few other body parts full trying to satisfy customer orders, the machine catches.
Once again, we turn to past and present drink slingers straight out of the trenches of Ventura County nightlife to guide us on our journey.
Let’s start with Diego Gamba, a bartender at Downtown Ventura’s Bombay Bar and Grill
“Sometimes there are mistakes,” he said. “We take 5-10 drinks at a time. If somebody distracts you that’s one of our biggest pet peeves.”
The bartender takes longer to make your drink, the friction builds as disgruntled drinkers have to wait because of your blundering, and that once well-oiled machine could overheat.
“People that don’t go out often don’t understand that they go to the wrong bars and get ignored,” Gamba said. “We’re really good at knowing who comes up to the bar. We know exactly who’s next without anybody to try to flag you down. That ruins the whole experience.”
When you’ve finally sidled up to the bar, realize that when you put Fergie on the jukebox for the millionth time, the bartender’s going to be reading your lips. Repeat after me: “Rum and Coke,” and “Vodka cranberry.”
“If the person says Coke and rum, our whole flow stops,” Gamba said. “When you guys go out, it’s not cranberry and vodka.”
But, said John Pierce, who used to serve drinks at Café Fiore, bartenders know who wants another drink and you don’t need to pound on the bar like a gorilla in a cage.
“If you need another drink, put your empty glass in front of the coaster or beverage napkin and wait to catch the bartender’s eye,” Pierce said. “Nod your head, raise your eyebrows or point discreetly at the glass.”
You might be at the bar to get drunk, but don’t implore the barkeep to “make it a strong one.”
“Bars sell a commodity like any other store,” Pierce said. “You wouldn’t ask Target for an extra T-shirt or pair of boxers without expecting to pay for it, right?”
John Wilner, who tends bar every other Saturday at Paddy’ s Cocktail Lounge in Ventura also lent some choice tidbits of information (Wilner happens to share half of my parentage. Yes, a deadline approaches and I thought I’d defer to the wisdom of an elder sibling).
It might help to know what you want before you get to the bar, Wilner said, but don’t be afraid to ask for recommendations from the experts as long as you know what kind of drink you like.
“If you ask for recommendations, it helps to know if you like something sweet, sour, strong drinks, not so strong drinks, or any other tastes,” he said.
Like Gamba, Wilner suggested taking a gander at the crowd around the bar to make sure you don’t ruin the party for everyone.
“If there’s a line, do stand in it,” he said. “Don’t press yourself to the front of it. It will help everyone get their drinks faster. If it’s a very crowded bar, once you get your drink, walk away to let more in.”
And for Pete’s sake, don’t forget to tip (My brother just said he has a birthday present for me, so this is especially important if he’s serving you drinks). A dollar a drink is standard, Pierce said, two dollars is extra nice, but don’t just leave your spare change for the bartender.
“It’s tacky,” pierce said. “If you can’t afford to round up to a dollar, why are you out drinking in the first place?”
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