Self Talk
It’s OK to talk to yourself. Just make sure you say nice things!
By Lisa Snider 12/31/2009
“I’m fat.”
“I’m such a cow.”
“I look like a whale.”
“I’m as big as a house.”
“I would never look good in that.”
If those words make you feel bad, I’m right there with you. These are actual statements that have been said to me by a small handful of women who are my friends, co-workers and relatives. The delivery has ranged from matter-of-fact to hysterical laughter to bitter disgust. I’m usually caught off-guard and can only respond with a blank stare. They almost always follow with, “I need to lose some weight.” And get this — they have been saying this over and over for years!
How, exactly, do you want me to respond to these awful statements? These are amazing women whom I adore, and I feel I owe them an answer. Well, I’ve given it a lot of thought, and, finally, here is my reply:
When you make a statement like that, know that it saps you and everyone around you of whatever positive energy might have existed. I feel guilty and sad when you say those things, guilty that I don’t have those thoughts about myself and sad that you do, because you are a wonderful human being. Negative self-talk (that internal monologue you have spinning around in your head), particularly when said out loud, affects your stress levels, sleep, productivity, health, relationships and even your ability to be promoted. If you don’t believe in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?
After I blink away my blank stare, I’ll continue by asking you a question: “Would you like me to help you change that?”
Here are a few ways to change that negative self-talk:
Empower yourself with positive messages. Find a word that has positive meaning for you and say it aloud whenever the negative thoughts start to creep in. There is an exhaustive list of fantastic words at www.creativeaffirmations.com.
Ask yourself a positively worded question instead of making a negative blanket statement. For example, change “I can’t!” to “What can I do to accomplish this?”
Brag. We are conditioned from childhood to self-deprecate because anything else is seen as bragging. I say, brag. Start by bragging in a journal. Take one part of your body that you like or want to like and write about it. What’s great about it? What do you imagine other people find great about it?
Become an optimist. You have a choice. You can change. Start with changing your mind, then your words, then your actions. And change your environment; consider the people who surround you, the items in your refrigerator, the programs on your television and the books on your bedside table.
Lastly, let’s look at all of the excuses that may be running through your mind that prevent you from becoming more optimistic. Let’s forget, for example, that Mercury is in retrograde or that you are too busy. When you stop taking responsibility for yourself, you give away your power to change. Harness your power.
The next time I see you, tell me how fabulous you look. I guarantee you I will agree!
Lisa Snider is a local freelance writer. For more, go to www.LisaSnider.com.
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