~ ASTROLOGY ~

ARIES

(March 21-April 19)

I suspect you\\\’ll be a genius of awkwardness in the coming week, Aries. What that means is that you\\\’ll have a knack for doing the half-right thing at the half-right time–and yet that\\\’s exactly what\\\’ll be necessary in order to bring about unexpected outcomes that are in everyone\\\’s best interests. In the short run you may make a perfect mess, but I bet that will ultimately add more beauty and intrigue to the big picture.

TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)

Dear Grandma and Grandpa of the Taurus this horoscope has been prepared for: I\\\’m hoping you will bring your helpful influence to bear on our little darling\\\’s dilemma. I know that in your own past you once had to navigate your way through complications similar to those that Taurus is now facing. So even if you have died and are in spirit form, please bestow your advice and encouragement, whether that\\\’s delivered by phone, via telepathy, in dreams, or in person. One more thing: Please don\\\’t let your wise blessing get tainted by any lingering disapproval you might be harboring about the path our beloved Taurus has chosen. This is a time for your smart love, not your judgment.

GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)

In the language of archetypal psychology, the term hierosgamos means \\\”sacred marriage.\\\” It may refer to a literal coming together of two people whose bond is a gift to God. Their love for each other serves as an inspiration to their community and galvanizes them both to express their wildest beauty. Because their union is dedicated to a higher cause beyond their personal happiness, they strive with ingenious devotion to transmute the dark, unripe aspects of their own nature. The term hierosgamos also has a bigger meaning, beyond the enlightened relationship of two intelligent people. It may refer to any merger of opposites that\\\’s precipitated through divine grace and that unleashes surprising healing in all directions. In the coming weeks, Gemini, you are a prime candidate to experience at least a metaphorical version of hierosgamos.

CANCER

(June 21-July 22)

\\\”A quiet evening alone with friends can be an ecstatic experience for Cancerians,\\\” say Gary Goldschneider and Joost Elffers in their book The Secret Language of Birthdays. \\\”Yet many born under this sign have strange aspects to their personalities which must be periodically revealed in public.\\\” I suspect this description will be particularly apt in the coming weeks. You may feel an irresistible urge to express your eccentricities to a bigger audience. My advice is to make definite plans to unveil the most interesting versions of your oddness at times and places of your choosing. That way it won\\\’t unexpectedly pop out half-cocked when it might cause embarrassment.

LEO

(July 23-Aug. 22)

\\\”The lover knows much more about absolute good and universal beauty than any logician or theologian,\\\” wrote philosopher George Santayana. I agree with him. That\\\’s why, as I analyze the astrological omens, I can confidently predict that you will have the right to claim all of the following titles in the coming weeks: the Beguiler with the Most Enticing Ideals, the Moral Authority with the Most Trustworthy Allure, and the Charmer with the Most Ethical Temptations.

VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

In the fairy tale \\\”Hansel and Gretel,\\\” a wicked stepmother convinces her husband that the only way the two of them will survive poverty and starvation is to take his children deep into the woods and abandon them. That way there\\\’ll be two fewer mouths to feed. The kids overhear the plan, and as the adults lead them into the middle of nowhere, Hansel, the son, surreptitiously leaves a trail of white stones. This allows him and his sister Gretel to find their way back home later. The stepmom is chagrined. A few weeks thereafter, she once again convinces her spouse to leave the children in the wastes. This time Hansel drops breadcrumbs to mark the path, but they\\\’re eaten by birds and the kids have no way to get back. Moral of the story: When you get sucked away from your source, leave clues that are more like stones, not crumbs. Alternative moral of the story: Don\\\’t return to a source that doesn\\\’t want you there.

LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

\\\”The ancient Greeks knew that learning comes from playing,\\\” writes Roger von Oech in his book A Whack on the Side of the Head: How You Can Be More Creative. Their word for education, paideia, he says, was close to their word for play, paidia. Your next assignment, Libra, is right in line with this theme. First, identify the teachings that will be most important for you to master in 2007. Second, figure out how to include play as a major component of your learning process.

SCORPIO

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You know those fuel-delivery planes capable of pumping gas into a larger plane that\\\’s already aloft? I think you\\\’d benefit from enlisting the services of their metaphorical equivalent in the coming week. Given how high and fast you\\\’re soaring, it would be a shame for you to have to come all the way down to earth to fill up your tank. And yet it\\\’s clear to me that one way or another, you\\\’re going to have to replenish your supply of propellant.

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

\\\”Whether we are on the threshold of a Golden Age or on the brink of a global cataclysm that will extinguish our civilization is not only unknowable, but undecided,\\\” said Edward Cornish, President of the World Future Society. I bet that in the past year you\\\’ve had comparable fantasies about the fate of your own personal destiny, Sagittarius. At times, it must have seemed as if you were teetering on the brink of a sulfurous abyss that was within shouting distance of the yellow brick road to paradise. Talk about conflicting emotions! But now that crazy-making chapter of your life story is coming to an end. No more teetering for you. No more inhaling noxious fumes from the infernal regions. I believe you have already been offered or will soon be offered an escort to the beginning of the yellow brick road. Let\\\’s hope you\\\’re not so addicted to the fascinating glamour of your pain that you turn down the escort.

CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

\\\”The problem, if you love it,\\\” said Jiddu Krishnamurti, \\\”is as beautiful as the sunset.\\\” He did not mean this ironically, nor was he indulging in sentimental wish-fulfillment. He was one of the toughest-minded spiritual teachers ever born. As you slip into a phase when your problems are especially gorgeous and entertaining, Capricorn, I urge you to remind yourself of his wise thought at least five times a day. Here\\\’s a second nugget for you to chew on often. It\\\’s a lyrical, hard-assed Zen proverb: \\\”The obstacle is the path.\\\”

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Your assignment in the coming weeks, Aquarius, is to become a coordinator of synchronicity and director of synergy in all the environments where you hang out. To begin, remind yourself of what those terms mean. Synchronicity is the wonderfully spooky feeling that comes when two or more events occur in a way that might superficially seem to be mere coincidence, but that is actually a sign of a deeper underlying pattern that transcends rational understanding. Synergy is when two power sources collaborate on a surprisingly energetic creation in which the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. (For more ideas on synchronicity and synergy, go to www.tinyurl.com/d2jqb and www.tinyurl.com/mows3.)

PISCES

(Feb. 19-March 20)

If you want to be in perfect alignment with the astrological omens, you will live your life in the coming weeks with a restless confidence that bigger is better. You\\\’ll risk going over the top, digging too deep, and stretching your limits beyond the comfort level. I suspect you\\\’ll even begin to resonate with the description once applied to Hong Kong by its last governor: \\\”sparkling, noisy, argumentative, handsome, cluttered, exotic, international–all the things a great city should be.\\\”

~ ASTROLOGY ~

ARIES

(March 21-April 19)

When George W. Bush replaced Bill Clinton as U.S. president, Bush\’s advisor Karl Rove decided to take extraordinary measures in cleansing the White House of the previous occupants\’ energy. Rove was especially obsessed with banishing the \”evil spirits\” in Hillary Clinton\’s office, which is why he summoned three Catholic priests to perform an exorcism. I urge you to do something equally vivid in order to purge the lingering vibes of people and things that you know are no good for you, Aries. Remember, though, that this has nothing to do with perpetrating revenge or harm. It\’s all about cleansing and reprogramming those parts of you that are still emotionally entangled with the bad influences.

TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)

Early in his film career, actor Oliver Hardy often played the parts of bad guys. But when he joined with Stan Laurel to collaborate on their series of comedic movies, he became a likable buffoon. I predict you\’ll soon be the beneficiary of a comparable conversion, Taurus. Some troubling or adversarial influence in your life will become warmer and fuzzier, maybe even downright helpful and amusing. The psychological term for a conversion this dramatic is enantiodromia. It refers to the process whereby something changes into its opposite. It won\’t be as freakish as it might initially appear. The unexpected transformation will be the result of an organic process.

GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)

My colleague Ro Loughran (www.yoursouljourney.com) has an interesting theory about astrology. She starts with the hypothesis that some version of reincarnation is true. Then she proposes that in each lifetime, a soul chooses a particular astrological sign because the qualities of that sign are what the soul wants to learn about. In other words, being born a Gemini doesn\’t mean you\’re automatically a wizard at being a Gemini. On the contrary, in this lifetime you\’ve become a Gemini in order to master the art of being one. You\’re here to get the hang of what it\’s like to be smart and versatile and precise and witty. Your assignment is to keep yourself endlessly entertained and build a strong center of gravity as you juggle a variety of activities and ideas and friends. This week is a perfect time to meditate on how lucky you are to have been given this gift, and to recommit yourself to using it to the fullest.

CANCER

(June 21-July 22)

If you\’re ever in your life going to be hired to model underwear or get invited by a magazine to expound on your love-making secrets, it will happen soon. If you ever thought it might be fun to see what might happen if you tried to hypnotize someone with your animal magnetism or seduce someone with your telepathic magic, give it a go now. If you\’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to gather rosary beads, the Torah, a Buddhist prayer wheel, a five-pointed silver star, and a statue of the Hindu goddess Shakti, and then unleash a sexy prayer for your supreme dream in the direction of every deity that might listen, this would be a good time.

LEO

(July 23-Aug. 22)

The time is right to send out a big \”Hey!\” and \”Thank you!\” to all the little voices in your head. Start with the still, small voice that\’s always ready to provide concise responses to the ingenious questions you come up with. But please also acknowledge every one of the other little voices as well–even the crabby, reactive naysayer that\’s forever on the lookout for insults to your dignity, however tiny or unintentional; even the worrywart that wakes you up in the middle of the night to pester you with doubts and fears. Love all the little voices in your head, Leo. Celebrate their vitality, their persistence, their attentiveness. You\’re lucky to have such a zealous group of advisors, even if all but one of them are off the mark a lot of the time.

VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Sometimes, Virgo, you\’re too damn smart for your own good. You may describe a problem so brilliantly, for instance, that you think you\’ve solved it merely by talking about it, and never get around to actually fixing it. On other occasions your fine mind runs amuck in an orgy of razor-sharp analysis, cutting things apart in order to understand them but not putting them back together again. I beg you not to indulge in these excesses during the coming week. Your intelligence will be soaring beyond even its usual exceptional levels, and it would be a shame for you not to capitalize on it momentously.

LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

\”Dear Rob: Most of the Librans I know, including me, are adept at creating opportunities and generating energy out of humbling experiences, which they seem to have plenty of. But is it too much to ask that we might someday come into contact with bright new possibilities that emerge from empowering experiences? Just wondering. -Overly Patient Libra.\” Dear Overly Patient: Funny you should bring this up. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you\’re due to receive an unexpected gift that will prime your ambitions. To encourage its arrival, I suggest you ask clearly and playfully for a boisterous inspiration that will fuel your lusty courage.

SCORPIO

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

\”Talent hits a target no one else can hit,\” said German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer. \”Genius hits a target no one else can see.\” That could and should apply to you, Scorpio, at least during the month of November. I believe that you have a heightened ability to access special talents that have been partially dormant up till now. If you summon the gall to be almost crazily confident, you\’ll soon be scoring bull\’s-eyes on targets that no one else can see, let alone hit.

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Your soul\’s epic journey is in the midst of a plot twist that\’s so complicated and beautiful, it would be impossible to exhaust our discussion about its meaning. But I have to start somewhere, so here goes. Among the many opportunities you now have, these are among the most spectacular: (1) the possibility of making your existing problems more interesting than they\’ve ever been; (2) the possibility of attracting fresh challenges that are more stimulating and useful than your same old predictable dilemmas.

CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Climbing Mt. Everest bored the renowned mountaineer Alex Lowe, even when he did it solo without any supplemental oxygen. \”Everest held none of the riddles he delighted in solving on remote walls and unnamed ice smears,\” wrote Outside magazine. \”He preferred places that offered \’serious consequences\’ and little in the way of record-book glory.\” One of Lowe\’s colleagues added, \”It was astonishing what Alex was able to do. And do alone, without bragging.\” Lowe himself once said, \”The best climber is the one who has the most fun.\” I recommend his attitude for you right now, Capricorn. Go after the accomplishments that make your heart sing rather than those that make your ego swell.

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

In 1945, violinist Yehudi Menuhin and pianist Benjamin Britten played their music for the recently freed inmates of the Belsen concentration camp in Germany. I urge you to make them your role models in the coming week. Give a generous sampling of your finest talents to those less fortunate than you, or to someone who has just escaped a harrowing ordeal. Aside from the blessing that will bestow on the recipient, it will also set in motion beneficial developments in your own life.

PISCES

(Feb. 19-March 20)

Everyone has about 1,500 dreams a year. Of those, maybe 1,420 are confusing, indecipherable, and can\’t be mined for valuable revelations about the inner workings of your psyche by even the most skilled dream interpreter. That leaves 80 intensely useful letters to your conscious self from your deep unconscious. Any one of them could break you out of self-defeating patterns and transform your life forever. This week there\’s an especially high likelihood that your nightly adventures will be beautiful teachings that are coherent enough to recall. What do you plan to do about it?

~ ASTROLOGY ~

ARIES

(March 21-April 19)

When I was in my twenties, I refused to work for a living because I wanted to live for a living. As a result, I got an extended opportunity to perfect the art of cheerful poverty. One winter, while staying in a ramshackle cottage in North Carolina, my cash reserves got so low that I had to leap to a new level. For meals, I exuberantly retrieved discarded food from dumpsters behind grocery stores. For heat, I gleefully smashed up my wooden furniture with a hammer and threw it in my wood stove. I was the happiest person alive, with lots of leisure time to meditate, read books, write poetry, take long walks, and make love with my girlfriends. Be inspired by my example, Aries. Identify some aspect of your life you tend to regard as inadequate or insufficient, and redefine it to be an asset.

TAURUS

(April 20-May 20)

\”Courage is not the abnormal,\” wrote poet Jack Gilbert. \”Not the marvelous act. Not Macbeth with fine speeches. It is the thing steady and clear. The marriage, not the month\’s rapture. The beauty that is of many days. The normal excellence, of long accomplishment. Not the Prodigal Son, but Penelope.\” Gilbert\’s words are my gift to you, brave Taurus. Of all the signs, you best express the virtue of steady devotion to the demanding challenges of beauty and truth. In the coming week, I predict that you will dramatically prove how miraculous that quality can be.

GEMINI

(May 21-June 20)

You\’re a little off-kilter and out-of-whack these days, Gemini. Don\’t worry about it. It\’s a natural response to recent plot twists. Fortunately, there is a medicine you can get that will fix you up pretty quickly. All you have to do is spend quality time in nature. One long hike should be enough, though to be absolutely sure you flush the psychic parasites that have been messing with you, two long hikes would be better. To aid in the exorcism and healing, I suggest that you also sing songs and shout out crazy ideas while wandering in the great outdoors. And if you can\’t escape to the wild places, at least have a picnic in a park.

CANCER

(June 21-July 22)

Columnist Jon Carroll once listed the 100 best human artifacts. They included things like clocks, screwdrivers, shoelaces, and Band-aids. But in your horoscope this week, I especially want to call your attention to the following items from his master list: pillows, mirrors, balls, masks, swings, lipstick, stirrups, playing cards, and pear nectar. There\’s a good chance that these best-ever creations will be featured in the effervescent adventurers you\’ll soon have. Or at least they should be featured.

LEO

(July 23-Aug. 22)

I suggest you make yourself alert for the return of at least one blast from the past. You may receive a communiqué from a forgotten sanctuary. A treasure that slipped from your grasp ages ago may become available again, especially if you pay close attention to borders and anomalies. Missing links may wander back in your direction, and old clues you haven\’t thought of in many moons might put you hot on the trail of a smoldering mystery you\’ve been neglecting to investigate.

VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

In a number of indigenous cultures, there\’s the tradition of the \”joking relationship.\” Two members of an extended family, often a brother and sister-in-law, are expected to form a bond that revolves around them playfully teasing each other. If you don\’t have an ally like that in your life, Virgo, I urge you to get one. And if you already do have such a companion, raise your connection to an even higher level of loving mischief and

jocular amusement. It\’ll keep you loose in just the right ways during the coming weeks and months.

LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

\”The early bird may get the worm,\” says comedian Steven Wright, \”but the second mouse gets the cheese.\” It\’s one of those times, Libra, when I advise you to be like that second mouse. A bit of procrastination will work in your favor. I want to offer some additional wisdom from Wright because his upside-down perspective is exactly what you need right now. (1) Eagles may soar, but weasels don\’t get sucked into jet engines. (2) The sooner you fall behind, the more time you\’ll have to catch up. (3) Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now.

SCORPIO

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

\”Dear Mr. Sensitive Astrologer: Let\’s get one thing straight. I don\’t want peace of mind! So stop trying to talk me into going after it! It\’s impossible to have it on this earth. Got that? And another thing. I don\’t care about your time-consuming emotional resolution stuff! I\’m not interested in chasing after the unrealistic goal of being a nice person. I just want pure, raw, naked success–the kind of glory that makes me feel really proud of my powerful effect on people. That\’s it! So shape up and start giving me what I want in your little horrorscopes. -Truth-Telling Scorpio.\” Dear Truthy: I love to help my readers achieve glory that makes them feel proud of their powerful effect on the world. But in my opinion the best way to accomplish that is by cultivating peace of mind, emotional resolution, and kindness. By the way, it\’s now an excellent time to make great progress in this work.

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

In the 18th century, the Bastille was a notorious French prison. Its squalor was perhaps less oppressive than other jails, however, because every inmate was supplied with three bottles of wine per day. Being so continuously intoxicated, few were inclined to attempt escape. I bring this to your attention, Sagittarius, in the hope that it will serve as a warning. You are, in my opinion, overdue to flee from your own personal version of imprisonment. But you\’ll be unlikely to do that if you\’re drunk or stoned or otherwise in the throes of an influence that keeps you foggy, distracted, or artificially satisfied. In the interests of liberation, please keep your senses honed and your awareness focused.

CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Your theme in the coming days is enchantment on demand. You\’re in an aggressively elegant grace period–a time when you

have the right to insist on being delighted. It\’s as if you\’ve been granted a poetic lic-ense to ask for and receive not just any old mediocre pleasure, but rather intriguing, ennobling pleasure. So don\’t sit back

and hope that sublime fun will accidentally come your way. Know that you have

the authority to command its arrival front and center.

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

In American psychotherapy, the first question many practitioners ask their new clients is essentially, \”What did your parents do to you to mess you up so badly?\” One of my Japanese friends tells me that in his country, a therapist is more likely to ask, \”What did your parents do for you? How did they nurture and support you?\” Without dismissing the possibility that your mom and dad did inflict damage on you, Aquarius, I\’d like you to concentrate on the Japanese-style inquiry for now. While you\’re at it, meditate on these themes as well: What are the best things that happened to you when you were growing up? What did your extended family and community give you that you\’ve never fully appreciated?

PISCES

(Feb. 19-March 20)

Normal People Scare Me is the title of a documentary movie about high-functioning autistic people. It might also serve well as the title of your life story\’s current chapter. Ordinary everyday reality is your greatest enemy right now. It threatens to ensnare you in a numbing trance at the exact moment when you need to saunter off into the unknown. Habit and routine are exerting a seductive pressure that could distract you from the fascinating tests you really need to embrace. The ironic fact of the matter is that at least for the moment, you should be wary of your longing for security.

To find out about my daily text message horoscopes or expanded audio horoscopes, go to www.realastrology.com.

THIS WEEK’S DIGITAL EDITION

LIKE US ON FACEBOOK

SUBSCRIBE

COMMUNITY EVENTS

SUBMIT YOUR VENTURA COUNTY EVENT HERE.

You must be registered and logged in to post your events.

UPCOMING COMMUNITY EVENTS

  1. Alan Saldana Headlines Levity Live

    August 23 @ 7:00 pm - August 25 @ 8:30 pm
  2. Help & Hope for Early Stage Alzheimer’s/Dementia

    August 24 @ 8:00 am - 5:00 pm
  3. The Speakeasy Project: American Roadhouse

    August 24 @ 8:00 pm - 10:00 pm
  4. The Speakeasy Project: American Roadhouse

    August 25 @ 5:00 pm - 7:00 pm
  5. Morning Stretch to Classic Rock

    August 26 @ 8:00 am - 8:45 am
  6. First 5 Neighborhoods for Learning, Powered by Interface Open House in Ventura

    August 26 @ 9:00 am - 3:00 pm
  7. First 5 Neighborhoods for Learning, Powered by Interface Open House

    August 26 @ 9:00 am - 3:00 pm
  8. Engage & Enlighten event features United Nations Special Rapporteur David Kaye

    August 26 @ 5:30 pm - 7:30 pm
  9. Dancer’s Body Barre

    August 26 @ 7:00 pm - 8:00 pm
  10. Egyptian Belly Dancing

    August 26 @ 8:00 pm - 9:00 pm

Get hooked up!

Get hooked up!

Join our mailing list and get updates and other cool stuff.

You're in! Thanks!

Share This