Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):

“In a recipe for salsa published recently, one of the ingredients was misstated, due to an error,” said an apology run by a local newspaper. “The correct ingredient is ‘2 tsp. of cilantro’ instead of ‘2 tsp. of cement.’ “ This is an example of the kind of miscue you should be alert for in your own life during the coming week, Aries. As long as you pay close attention and spot the tiny boo-boos as they arise, you won’t end up dipping your chips into a gritty, gravelly mess.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):

A little knowledge can be dangerous. I constantly meet people who have boxed themselves into tight spots by misusing their smattering of astrological information. There’s no better example of this than the superstition about Mercury retrograde, which is supposedly a bad time to begin anything new. During one such period last year, an acquaintance of mine decided to delay accepting a dream job offer as editor of a magazine. By the time Mercury returned to normal, the magazine had hired another applicant. I wish I had known, because I would have told her what I’ll tell you: Some of America’s biggest, most enduring Fortune 500 companies began when Mercury was retrograde, including Disney, Goodyear and Boeing. The moral of the story: Of all the signs of the zodiac, it’s most important that you Tauruses don’t worry about launching new projects during the current Mercury retrograde.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):

Would you really prefer it if you had no problems? Do you imagine you’d enjoy life more if everything was pure fun and smoothly easy? Here’s an astrological perspective: People who have an overabundance of positive aspects in their natal horoscopes often turn out to be lucky but lazy bums who never accomplish much. So I say, be thankful for the complications that are visiting you. I bet they will make a man out of you if you’re a woman, or a woman out of you if you’re a man. If you’re white, they’ll help you get blacker; and if you’re black, they’ll make you whiter. Catch my drift? As you do your best to solve the knotty riddle, you’ll become better balanced and more versatile than folks who are rarely challenged.

CANCER
(June 21-July 22):

Here’s the most important rule for you in the coming week: Keep your eyes fixed on a vision of your shining destiny. If you do, you’ll be unflappable, indefatigable and irrepressible. Your luck will be so crazy good it’ll be almost spooky. Noble deeds you did in the past will finally bring the rewards you deserve. Allies will conspire to assist you, sometimes in ways you couldn’t have predicted. I’m not exaggerating, Cancerian. If you stay focused on the highest prize, you’ll live a charmed life.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):

In 1990, my rock band World Entertainment War played at a San Francisco nightclub on the same bill as the Beatnigs, an assemblage fronted by Michael Franti. Their avant-garde industrial music featured band members rhythmically hitting a steel bar with a power saw and slapping a long chain against a piece of sheet metal hanging from the back wall. Fast-forward to 2009, when Franti’s latest band, Spearhead, released a catchy romantic pop ditty titled “Say Hey (I Love You),” which reached No. 18 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. I predict a comparable development for you in the next six months, Leo: moving from a state of raw, dark, obscure power to a state of bright, refined, accessible power.

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

Mangosteens and rambutans are exotic fruits that grow in faraway places. The mangosteen is creamy and purple, with a peachy citrus taste, while the rambutan is like a big hairy red grape. This is a perfect moment, astrologically speaking, to invite them into your mouth. Likewise, the time is right for you to consider welcoming other colorful, striking and foreign elements into your life. So maybe consider making friends with a Paraguayan acrobat. Sing Vietnamese folk songs. Read the memoirs of an Iranian exile. Exchange conspiracy theories with an Icelandic fairy.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):

A reader named Emory proposes that we add a new meme to the cultural lexicon: interpersonal intellectual orgasm. Here’s how he describes it: “It happens when your conversation with another person becomes so intense that nothing else matters except the dialog you’re creating together. The two of you are so in-tune, so intellectually bonded, that the sensation is almost like making love. For that time, it’s like that person is in you and you are in that person; you are one because you understand each other so completely.” I bring this to your attention, Libra, because you’re in a phase of your astrological cycle when the interpersonal intellectual orgasm is far more likely than usual to occur.

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):

Unlike people who cheat on their mates, polyamorists carry on two or more intimate relationships but don’t lie about it. Their lovers know about each other and have agreed to the arrangement. I applaud those who have the inclination to pull off this tricky work, even though I personally couldn’t manage it. Handling just a single intense bond takes improbable amounts of my ingenuity. If I were trying to weave my fate together with more than one partner, I wouldn’t have any energy left over to write these horoscopes or do anything else. How about you, Scorpio? You’re in a phase when splitting your attention might be tempting, not just in regards to your love life but in other areas, too. Whether that’s the right thing to do, I can’t say. Here’s what I do know: You can either go deeper or wider, but not both.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):

“Never bear more than one trouble at a time,” wrote author and clergyman Edward Everett Hale. “Some people bear three kinds — all they have had, all they have now, and all they expect to have.” That’s good advice for you, Sagittarius. Please just stick to the trouble you have, and drop the other two kinds. There’s no need to fill up your beautiful head with extra torment. Besides, you’re much more likely to wrestle the current trouble into submission if you’re not weighted down by unnecessary extras.

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

What excites you? What makes you itch with a longing to be surprised? What fills you to the brim with curiosity and an agitated sense of wonder? You may not know even half of what you could potentially realize about these matters. Have you ever sat down and taken a formal inventory? Have you ever dedicated yourself to figuring out all the things that would inspire you most? Do it sometime soon, please; attend to this glorious task. According to my reading of the omens, it’s prime time to do so.

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):

It’s a good thing Margaret Mitchell suffered a broken ankle back in 1925. She got so bored as she lay around the house recuperating that she started writing a book.  Eventually, it blossomed into the 423,000-word blockbuster Gone with the Wind, which sold 30 million copies and won her the Pulitzer Prize. Judging from your current astrological omens, Aquarius, I suspect that you, too, may soon be offered an opportunity disguised as a ho-hum problem.

PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):

I was pleased when I discovered a website with a video of quirky songstress Cat Power singing David Bowie’s iconic song “Space Oddity.” I love her, I love Bowie, and I love the tune. And yet a wave of disappointment broke over me when I realized, 30 seconds into the performance, that it was actually a car commercial. I felt duped. Appalled. Outraged. Any pleasure I’d gotten from the experience was ruined. Don’t be like me, Pisces. You, too, may soon receive a blessing that has some minor annoyance. Don’t overreact as I did. Look past the blemish and enjoy the gift.

Homework: Practicing unconditional love is the toughest, most heroic task of all. Here’s my attempt to get better at it: http://bit.ly/WorldKiss. Can I see yours?

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):

“Although obstacles and difficulties frighten ordinary people,” wrote French painter Théodore Géricault, “they are the necessary food of genius. They cause it to mature, and raise it up …. All that obstructs the path of genius inspires a state of feverish agitation, upsetting and overturning those obstacles, and producing masterpieces.” I’d like to make this idea one of your guiding principles, Aries. In order for it to serve you well, however, you’ll have to believe that there is a sense in which you do have some genius within you. It’s not necessarily something that will make you rich, famous, popular or powerful. For example, you may have a genius at washing dogs or giving thoughtful gifts or doing yoga when you’re sad. Whatever your unique brilliance consists of, the challenges just ahead will be highly useful in helping it grow.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):

Yes, I know that the bull is your totem animal. But I’m hoping you’re willing to expand your repertoire, because it’s a ripe time for you to take on some of the attitudes of the king of beasts. Consider this: The naturalist and shaman Virginia Carper notes that lions have strong personalities but cooperate well. They’re powerful as individuals but engage in constructive group dynamics. In many cultures, they have been symbols of nobility, dignity and spiritual prowess. To adopt the lion as a protective guardian spirit builds one’s ability to know and hunt down exactly what one wants. Would you like more courage? Visualize your lion self.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):

In 2011, I may do a tour of North America, performing my show “Sacred Uproar.” But for the foreseeable future I need to shut up and listen. I’ve got to make myself available to learn fresh truths I don’t even realize I need to know. So, yeah, next year I might be ready to express the extroverted side of my personality in a celebration of self-expression. But for now, I have a sacred duty to forget everything I supposedly believe in and gratefully shuck my self-importance. By the way, Gemini, everything I just described would be a good approach for you to consider taking in the next three weeks.

CANCER
(June 21-July 22):

Is it true what they say — that you can never have too many friends? If you don’t think so, it’s a good time to re-evaluate your position. And if you do agree, then you should go out and get busy. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you’re likely to be extra lucky in attracting new connections and deepening existing alliances in the coming weeks. The friendships you strike up are likely to be unusually stimulating and especially productive. To take maximum advantage of the favorable cosmic rhythms, do whatever you can to spruce up your inner beauty.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):

I have compiled a set of four affirmations that I think will keep you on the right track in the coming weeks. Try saying them at least twice a day. 1. “I am cultivating Relaxed Alertness, because that will make me receptive to high-quality clues about how to proceed.” 2. “I am expressing Casual Perfectionism, because that way I will thoroughly enjoy being excellent, and not stress about it.” 3. “I am full of Diligent Indifference, working hard out of love for the work and not being attached to the outcome.” 4. “I am practicing Serene Debauchery, because if I’m not manically obsessed with looking for opportunities to cut loose, those opportunities will present themselves to me with grace and frequency.”

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

The Great Wall of China is the largest human construction in the world, stretching for almost 3,900 miles. But contrary to legend, it is not visible from the moon. According to most astronauts, the Wall isn’t even visible from low Earth orbit. Keep this in mind as you carry out your assignment in the coming week, Virgo. First, imagine that your biggest obstacle is the size of the Great Wall of China. Second, imagine yourself soaring so high above it, so thoroughly beyond it, that it disappears. If performed regularly, I think this exercise will give you a new power to deal with your own personal Great Wall of China.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):

In the early 1990s, actors Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder were engaged to be married. In honor of their love, Depp got a tattoo that read “Winona Forever.” After the relationship fell apart, though, he had it altered to “Wino Forever.” If you’re faced with a comparable need to change a tattoo or shift your emphasis or transform a message anytime soon, Libra, I suggest putting a more positive and upbeat spin on it — something akin to “Winner Forever.”

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):

In the Bering Strait, Russia and America are 2.5 miles apart. The International Date Line runs through the gap, meaning that it’s always a day later on the Russian side than it is on the American. I suggest you identify a metaphorically similar place in your own life, Scorpio: a zone where two wildly different influences almost touch. According to my reading of the omens, it’s an excellent time for you to foster more interaction and harmony between them.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):

I have a group of colleagues who half-jokingly, half-sincerely refer to themselves as the Shamanic Hackers of Karmic Justice. The joking part of it is that the title is so over-the-top ostentatious that it keeps them from taking themselves too seriously. The sincere part is that they really do engage in shamanic work designed to help free their clients from complications generated by old mistakes. Since you’re entering the season of adjustment and atonement, I asked them to do some corrective intervention in your behalf. They agreed, with one provision: that you aid and abet their work by doing what you can to liberate yourself from the consequences of wrong turns you made in the past.

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

The Weekly World News reported that a blues singer sued his psychiatrist for turning him into a more cheerful person. Gloomy Gus Johnson claimed he was so thoroughly cured of his depression that he could no longer perform his dismal tales with mournful sincerity. His popularity declined as he lost fans who had become attached to his despondent persona. I suspect you may soon be arriving at a similar crossroads, Capricorn. Through the intervention of uplifting influences and outbreaks of benevolence, you will find it harder to cultivate a cynical attitude. Are you prepared to accept the consequences that may come from being deprived of some of your reasons to moan and groan?

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):

Educational specialist Dr. Howard Gardner believes I.Q. tests evaluate only a fraction of human intelligence. He describes eight different kinds of astuteness. They include the traditional measures — being good at math and language — as well as six others: being smart about music, the body, other people, one’s own inner state, nature and spatiality. (More here: bit.ly/Shrewd.) I bring this to your attention, Aquarius, because you’re entering a phase when you could dramatically enhance your intelligence about your own inner state. Take advantage of this fantastic opportunity to know yourself much, much better.

PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):

South Carolina now requires subversive people to register with the state if they have the stated intention of overthrowing the government of the United States. I have no such goal, so I remain free to operate unlicensed in South Carolina. I am, however, participating in a movement to overthrow reality — or rather, the sour and crippled mass hallucination that is mistakenly called “reality.” This crusade requires no guns or political agitation, but is instead waged by the forces of the liberated imagination using words, music and images to counteract those who paralyze and deaden the imagination. I invite you to join us. You’re entering a phase when you may feel an almost ecstatic longing to free yourself from the delusions that constitute the fake “reality.”


Homework:
Listen to a welcoming message from the Beauty and Truth Lab: http://bit.ly/TruthLab. Then tell us what you want more than anything else: Truthrooster@gmail.com.

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):

Photons work hard to get from the heart of the sun to the surface. They can take as much as 160,000 years to complete the 400,000+-mile journey. And yet once Earth-bound photons get topside, they travel the 93-million-mile distance to our planet in just over eight minutes. I foresee a metaphorically similar situation unfolding in your life in the coming weeks. A development that has been a long time in the making will accelerate tremendously in its last phase of ripening.
TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):

Taurus genius Irving Berlin (1888-1989) has been called the greatest songwriter who ever lived. Among his 1,500 compositions were iconic tunes like “God Bless America” and “White Christmas,” as well as scores for 18 Hollywood movies and 19 Broadway shows. And yet he never learned to read or write music. Was he embarrassed about his handicap? Not at all. He even bragged about it. He felt that having such a minimal grasp of the conventions of songwriting was an advantage, giving him the freedom to be extraordinarily original. Is there any way in which you’re like Irving Berlin, Taurus? Do you have a seeming limitation that is actually an aid to your creativity and uniqueness? Celebrate it this week.
GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):

“Every changed circumstance contains opportunities, which accrue to the first people to recognize them,” wrote poet Charles Potts. “Since circumstances are in constant flux, there is a steady stream of opportunities. Learn to spot them and make them your own.” I offer you this advice, Gemini, because you’ll soon be in a prime position to derive great benefit from it. If you tweak your attitude just right — aligning your novelty receptors to be on high alert — the clattering commotion of metamorphosis that’s headed your way will bring with it a bustling welter of unforeseen openings.
CANCER
(June 21-July 22):

First the negatives: Don’t be a martyr to what you’ve won. Don’t let your success oppress you. Don’t become a slave to the useful role you’ve earned. Don’t neglect your own needs as you serve the needs of those who admire you for what you give. Now let’s try a more positive way to frame the challenges ahead of you: Keep questioning whether the fruits of your victories are still enjoyable and fulfilling to you. Make sure the triumphs of the past don’t get in the way of the potential triumphs of the future. Find out how your success may need to evolve. Push beyond what’s good, and head in the direction of what’s great.
LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):

My rage against the machine began early. I joined my first protest march at age 15, led a boycott at 17, and was tear-gassed by cops at a demonstration when I was 18. In the intervening years, my anger at injustice has broadened and deepened. I’ve lent my rebel yells to hundreds of righteous causes. But in 2006, I decided to shift my approach. Instead of fighting every single abuse that incited my ire, I chose three to concentrate on: the obscene militarism of the American government, the extreme financial disparities between the rich and poor, and the environmental degradations caused by corporations and corporate culture. Since then, my crusading energy has been more focused and effective, and my general mood has brightened. I recommend you consider a similar change, Leo. It’s an excellent time for you to give more of your passion to fewer causes.
VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

Do you remember the monster that sometimes lived under your bed when you were a kid? Recently it found its way back to you, and has been spending time in your closet. It’s not as frightening as it used to be, and I’m not alarmed by its return. In fact, I think it has an important message for you that would be valuable to discover. I encourage you to invite it out for a conversation. As you might suspect, as soon as it delivers its crazy wisdom, it will leave you in peace.
LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):

Present the following dare to a person or persons with whom you would like to go deeper: “You think you know me, but you really know just a tantalizing fraction. Would you like to experience the rest of the story?” And if anyone expresses interest, take him or her on a magical tour that won’t be forgotten. Reveal the sides of you that are too mysteriously interesting to show the general public, or too intimate to reveal to anyone you don’t trust, or so potent they might intimidate those who don’t have a lot of self-possession.
SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):

In North America, California Condors are the biggest flying birds that live on land. Their wingspans are as wide as 10 feet. Once sacred to certain Native Americans, these members of the vulture family can live for 60 years and soar as high as 15,000 feet. But they came close to extinction in the 20th century, mostly because of human activity. In 1987, conservationists intervened. In the hope of replenishing the population in captivity, they captured every last one of the 22 remaining wild condors. Painstaking efforts gradually yielded results, and today there are 348 birds, including 187 in the wild. I bring this to your attention, Scorpio, because I believe now is an excellent time to begin a project to save your own metaphorical version of an “endangered species.”
SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):

According to Us Weekly, baseball star Alex Rodriguez owns two paintings of himself in which he’s portrayed as half-man, half-horse. This is an excellent time for you to be inspired by his example. Gazing at a picture of a mythical centaur who looks like you would speak to your subconscious mind in just the right way. Bypassing your rational ego, that stirring icon would animate and cultivate the wise animal in you. It would stimulate the sweet spot where your physical vitality overlaps your visionary intelligence. Do you know anyone who could Photoshop this powerful image for you?
CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

Here’s my startling prediction: More Capricorn spiritual seekers will become enlightened in the next five weeks than in any comparable period of history. Hell, there’ll be so much infinity mixed with eternity available for your tribe that even a lot of you non-seekers could get a lightning bolt of illumination or two. That’s not to say that you have to accept the uplifting revelations, or even tune in to them, for that matter. If you’d prefer to ignore the sacred hubbub and go about your practical business without having to hassle with the consequences of a divine download, that’s fine.
AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):

Can you imagine what it would be like to venture into the opposite of the Bermuda Triangle? You know, a zone where wonderfully odd things occur rather than bad strange things? I think that such a place exists, and I think you’ll soon find it. The luck that unfolds for you will be a blend of dumb and brilliant. The discoveries you make may be useless on the outside but valuable on the inside. Lost keys may reappear and missing links will materialize out of nowhere. Here’s the pièce de résistance: An apparent memory of the future could provide a secret passageway to a previously hidden enclave that contains “magic garbage.”
PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):

In honor of the new identity you’re evolving into, I hereby give you the nickname of “Miracle Player,” or else — if you like one of these better — “Sleek Cat” or “Giant Step” or “Fate Whisperer.” You may hereafter also use any of the following titles to refer to yourself: “CEO of My Own Life” or “Self-Teacher of Jubilance and Serenity” or “Fertile Blur of Supple Strength.” Feel free, as well, to anoint your head with pure organic virgin olive oil, fashion a crown for yourself out of roses and shredded masks, and come up with a wordless sound that is a secret sign you’ll give to yourself whenever you need to remember the marvelous creature you are on your way to becoming.

Homework: Read and interact with free excerpts from my book “Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia” here: http://bit.ly/BeautyTruth. Respond at Truthrooster@gmail.com.

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):

It would be a good week for you to perfect your ability to crow like a rooster, Aries. I also recommend that you practice your skill at leaping out of bed in the morning fully refreshed, with your imagination primed and ready to immediately begin making creative moves. Other suggested exercises: being on the alert for what’s being born; holding a vision of the dawn in your heart throughout the day; and humorously strutting around like you own whatever place you’re in.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):

I got a spam e-mail containing supposed words of wisdom from the Dalai Lama. “We spend more, but have less,” it said. “We have more conveniences, but less time; more experts, yet more problems.” It went on like this for a while. I was suspicious. It seemed to contain too many pop platitudes to have been uttered by the Dalai Lama. With Google’s help, I did some research and discovered that the passage was actually the handiwork of pastor Bob Moorehead, who resigned from his Seattle church under a cloud of allegations about misconduct. I urge you to make similar investigations of the ostensible truths you receive this week, Taurus. You may find discrepancies as major as the differences between the Dalai Lama and Bob Moorehead.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):

A lifelong dream of mine came true recently, and I didn’t even know it was a lifelong dream until it happened. It struck unexpectedly on a Tuesday afternoon. My daughter called on the phone from her college dorm room, wanting to discuss an essay she’d been assigned for her history of modern art class. She really liked it, but there were some points she wanted to understand better, and she thought my input might help. The essay? The “Surrealistic Manifesto,” formulated in 1924 by the writer André Breton. Years ago, it was a crucial document in my own development as a young poet. The opportunity to share its heady brew with the beloved child I used to push on a swing was startlingly blissful. I predict a similar event for you in the coming days, Gemini: the fruition of a lifelong dream you didn’t even know you had.

CANCER
(June 21-July 22):

It’s probably true for a lot of celebrities that their public personas are not accurate reflections of their private lives. One striking example is actress Megan Fox, who’s famous for being a sex goddess. But the fact is, she told Harper’s Bazaar magazine, she has only slept with two men in her life, and it makes her ill even to contemplate having sex with someone she doesn’t love. While it may not bother her to have a reputation that’s so different from her inner world, I wouldn’t say the same about you — especially now. I urge you to do what you can to create more harmony between the version of yourself that you project outward and the version of yourself you actually live in.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):

In her poem “The Gift,” Chinese poet Shu Ting writes, “I dream the dream of a pond who lives not just to mirror the sky but to let willow trees on the bank drink me up.” This would be an excellent dream for you to dream in the coming week, Leo. It would also be empowering for you to render its themes in your waking life. I think you will derive great pleasure and sound teaching from mirroring a soaring archetype and feeding an intimate primal force. (Shu Ting’s poem was translated by Tony Barnstone and Newton Liu.)

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

Are you an athlete? If so, I suspect that you will soon make an adjustment in your training or technique that will improve your game. Are you an artist, musician, writer, performer or dancer? I bet you will get a sweet insight about the creative process that could revolutionize your work in the months to come. Are you a pilgrim on a meandering long-distance quest to a promised land whose location you’re not exactly sure of? Any minute now, you’ll uncover a clue that will dramatically narrow down the possibilities of where the promised land is.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):

There may be times in the coming week when you will in a sense be dreaming while standing up. On other occasions, you may be hard at work while lying down. In fact, I suspect that the law of reversals will be in full bloom. Things that have been last will, at least temporarily, be first, and influences that have calmed you down will rile you up. What has been crazy may be quite sane, and what has been in the shadows will come into the light. Tight squeezes may turn into expansive releases, and heavy-duty commitments will get a dose of slack — and vice versa. Always vice versa.

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):

Every one of us is engaged in some ongoing battle with ourselves. Maybe there’s a conflict between our heart and head. Maybe we’re trying to stop expressing some behavior that we know is self-destructive but seems all too natural and easy to do. Maybe we feel guilty about or resentful toward some event from the past, and are constantly fighting with its after-image. Whatever your version of the civil war might be, Scorpio, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to reduce the heat of the strife. But you’ll have to be ingenious as you reframe the way you think about the situation, and you’ll have to locate a reservoir of willpower that has been hidden in your depths.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):

This would be an excellent time for you to take inventory of what brings you pleasure. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you’re due for an update and upgrade. Some of your tried-and-true strategies for generating joys and thrills are fraying at the edges. You should consider refurbishing them, even as you also think about going in quest of fresh sources of delight. For extra credit, see if you can gain access to an experience that could accurately be described as “a blessed state of bliss.”

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

It would be smart for you to whet your appetite, but please don’t go too far and spoil your appetite. Imagine and plan for the feast to come; make sure the evolution of the feast is on track; but don’t try to actually enjoy the entire feast yet. It’s not ready, you see. The “cooking” isn’t complete. To dive in now would be like eating a chocolate cake that has only been baking in the oven for ten minutes. In conclusion, Capricorn, strike a balance between practicing watchful patience and cultivating protective excitement.

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):

Your key word for the week is “fulcrum.” It’s derived from a Latin verb meaning “to prop up, support,” and its definitions include the following: 1. the stable point on which a lever pivots; 2. the crux of a percussionist’s grip as he or she holds a drumstick; 3. an agent through which vital powers are exercised. I suggest you meditate on where the metaphorical fulcrums are in your life, and then take creative measures to give them extra care and enhance their strength.

PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):

I’m wearing a replica of an ancient Egyptian atef, a white crown surmounted by two ostrich feathers. My white cashmere robe, decorated with Qabalistic sigils, was sewn for me by a Wiccan priestess. My wand is shaped like the head of a Kalao bird and once belonged to a shaman from Burkina Faso. Aided by these accessories, I gaze into my magic mirror and conjure the spirit of my deceased great-uncle Felix, a successful businessman born under the sign of Pisces. He has always been a reliable source of inside info for me in the past. “Dear ancestor,” I murmur, “do you have an oracular revelation for my Piscean readers?” And he replies: “Tell them their money mojo is stronger than usual. Urge them to bargain aggressively and make sure they get a percentage of the gross, not just of the net profits.”

Homework: Listen to two versions of the song “You Taste Delicious” at http://bit.ly/YouTasteDelicious. Tell me your favorite at Truthrooster@gmail.com.

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):

I’m worried about your ability to sneak and fake and dissemble. These skills seem to have atrophied in you. To quote Homer Simpson, “You couldn’t fool your own mother on the foolingest day of your life with an electrified fooling machine!” Please, Aries, jump back into the game-playing, BS-dispensing routine the rest of us are caught up in. APRIL FOOL! Everything I just said was a filthy lie. In fact, I admire the candor and straightforwardness you’ve been cultivating. My only critique is that maybe you could take some of the edge off it. Try telling the raw truth with more relaxed grace.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):

You’ll probably dream of falling off a cliff, or plunging out of a hot-air balloon, or skydiving without a parachute. I’m very disappointed in your unconscious mind’s decision to expose yourself to such unpleasant experiences, even if they are pretend. APRIL FOOL! I told you a half-truth. While it is likely that you will dream of diving off a mountaintop or tumbling out of a hot-air balloon or flying through the big sky without a parachute, your unconscious mind has arranged it so that you will land softly and safely in a giant pile of foam padding and feathers next to a waterfall whose roaring flow is singing your name. Despite the apparent inconvenience in the first part of the dream, you will be taken care of by the end.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):

On the Ghost Hunters TV program, paranormal researchers investigate places that are thought to be haunted by supernatural entities. One commercial for the show urges us, the viewers, to “Get fluent in fear!” That exhortation happens to be perfect advice for you, Gemini. APRIL FOOL! I lied. This is not at all a good time for you to get fluent in fear. But more than that. It’s actually a momentous time to get un-fluent in fear. You have an unprecedented opportunity to stop casually exposing yourself to anxiety-inducing influences. You have amazing power to shut down that place in your imagination where you generate your scary fantasies. The conquest of your fears could be at hand!

CANCER
(June 21-July 22):

Your gambling chakra is conspiring with your inner roughneck to pull a fast one on your dignity chakra and your inner wuss. If they get away with their scheme you may find yourself having ridiculous yet holy fun in high places. And I wouldn’t be surprised if, in the course of these hijinks, your spirit guides channeled some holistic karma into the part of your psychic anatomy that we in the consciousness business call your “spiritual orgy button.” APRIL FOOL! Sorry if that sounded a bit esoteric. I was invoking some faux shamanic jargon in the hope of bypassing your rational mind and tricking you into experiencing a fizzy, buoyant altered state, which would be an excellent tonic for both your mental and physical health.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):

“I eat pressure for breakfast,” says Leo-born James Cameron, director of Avatar and Titanic, the two highest-grossing films ever made. Like many in your tribe, he has a very high opinion of himself. “Anybody can be a father or a husband,” he told his fourth wife, Linda Hamilton. “There are only five people in the world who can do what I do, and I’m going for that.” He’s your role model. APRIL FOOL! I lied. While I do urge you to focus intensely on the quality or talent that’s most special about you, I strongly discourage you from neglecting your more ordinary roles. In Cameron’s case, I’d advise him to start working on his next fantastic project but also spiff up his skills as a husband and father.

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

Do NOT, under any circumstances, express your anger at the mainstream media by taking a baseball bat into a superstore full of electronic gear and smashing 32 TV sets. Keep it to a minimum of 15 sets, please! APRIL FOOL! I lied. I definitely don’t recommend that you smash any TVs with a baseball bat. However, you do have permission to bash and smash things in your imagination. In fact I encourage it. Engaging in a fantasy of breaking inanimate objects that symbolize what oppresses you will shatter a certain mental block that desperately needs shattering.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):

As I studied your astrological data, a curious vision popped into my mind’s eye. I saw a scene of a perky possum in a superhero costume giving you a tray of red Jell-O covered with marshmallows, gumdrops and chocolate kisses. And I knew immediately that it was a prime metaphor for your destiny right now. APRIL FOOL! I lied, sort of. Your imminent future may feature an unlikely offering from an unexpected source, but that offering will simply be like red Jell-O from a possum — with no superhero costume, and no marshmallows, gumdrops or chocolate kisses.

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):

I sincerely hope that 2010 will be the year you stop worshiping Satan for good. Luckily, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to get that worthy project in gear. Despite the odd pleasures your twisted devotion to the Evil One seems to bring you, it actually undermines your ability to get what you want. The ironic fact of the matter is that pure unrepentant selfishness — the kind that Satan celebrates — is the worst possible way to achieve your selfish goals. APRIL FOOL! I know you don’t really worship Satan. I was just hoping to jolt you into considering my real desire for you, which is to achieve your selfish goals by cultivating more unselfishness.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):

According to Uncyclopedia.com, Riding the Snake is a book co-authored by Oscar Wilde and Jesus Christ in 1429 B.C. If you can find a copy, I strongly suggest you read it. You could really use some help in taming the unruly kundalini that has been whipping you around. APRIL FOOL! I lied. There is no such ancient book. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’d really benefit from getting more control over your instinctual energy. I’d love to see your libidinous power be more thoroughly harnessed in behalf of your creative expression.

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

Supermodel Selita Ebanks is your role model. In accordance with the astrological omens, I recommend that you arrange for the kind of special treatment she enjoys as she’s preparing for a runway show. That means getting five stylists to work for hours every day perfecting every aspect of your physical appearance. Please make sure they apply no less than 20 layers of makeup to your butt. APRIL FOOL! I lied. The omens say this is not a good time to obsess on your outer beauty. They do suggest, however, that attending to your inner beauty would be smart. So please do the equivalent of getting 20 layers of makeup applied to your soul’s butt.

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):

Would it be a wise idea for you to stage your own kidnapping and demand ransom money for your release? Should you appear on a reality TV show that will expose your intimate secrets to millions of viewers? Could you get your spiritual evolution back on track by joining a religious cult? APRIL FOOL! The questions I just posed were terrible! They were irrelevant to the destiny you should be shaping for yourself. But they were provocative, and may therefore be the nudge you need to get smarter about formulating your choices. It has never been more important than it is right now for you to ask yourself good questions.

PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):

It’s an excellent time to demonstrate how strong and brave and indomitable you are. I suggest you carry out some heroic feat, like lying on a bed of nails while someone puts heavy concrete blocks all over your body, then uses a sledgehammer to smash those blocks. APRIL FOOL! What I just said is only half true. While it’s an excellent time to prove your mettle, there are far more constructive ways to do it than lying on a bed of nails. For example, you could try shaking off a bad influence that chronically saps your energy.

Homework: Get in the mood to see your life as a miracle. Listen to this: http://bit.ly/SongGlory

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UPCOMING COMMUNITY EVENTS

  1. Pyrometric: Earth and Ash in the Anthropocene

    October 19, 2018 @ 8:00 am - January 10, 2019 @ 8:00 pm
  2. Quiet Places and Icons and Archetypes

    November 14, 2018 - January 4, 2019
  3. Mainstage Production “Columbinus”

    November 15 @ 8:00 pm - November 17 @ 12:00 am
  4. Ojai Herbal Symposium

    November 16 @ 6:30 pm - November 18 @ 5:00 pm
  5. Live Bands

    November 16 @ 9:00 pm - 11:30 pm
  6. Photos with Santa

    November 17 - December 24
  7. Ojai Trees Fall Planting

    November 17 @ 8:00 am - 12:00 pm
  8. Letters to Santa at the Annex Food Hall

    November 17 @ 8:00 am - December 24 @ 5:00 pm
  9. Makers Market

    November 17 @ 11:00 am - 5:30 pm
  10. 2018 Annual Tree Lighting Celebration at the Collection

    November 17 @ 6:00 pm - 8:00 pm

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