Pirates Grub’N Grog
450 Victoria Ave.
(805) 984-0046

Yar, matey — step aboard Oxnard’s legitimate pirate ship and prepare to walk the plank. Pirates Grub’N Grog serves up the strongest drinks this side of the Pacific and pulls no punches with serving sizes.

Pirates Grub’N Grog — an Oxnard institution recently under new ownership — is becoming more restaurant and entertainment than simply a place to drink with fellow landlubbers. What haven’t changed are the potent cocktails, a plethora of which can have you sailing the high seas in no time flat.

We should have known we were in for a ride when the “small” sized beer was a full pint. The tall, I imagine, is roughly the size of a pirate’s boot. Lagunita’s IPA was the most interesting of the several beers on tap, but the cocktail list is the real booty.

The Pirate’s Punch is a potent elixir fit for a pirate king. An electric blue mix of fruit juices and Whaler’s coconut rum that is equal parts sweet and refreshing and terrifyingly easy to drink. The punch in the name is more of a threat than a title.

Even traditionally boring drinks are spruced up at Pirates. The rum and coke, a staple for professional drinker’s world wide, is known as an Admiral Morgan: a double shot of Captain Morgan thrown in with the Coke and served out of a mug typically reserved for ale gives one the feeling of pirate royalty.

Oxnard has its share of bars, but Pirates stands out for creating a balance between a true drinker’s bar and a family restaurant. Where else can you get an order of fish and chips, a salsa dancing lesson and a cocktail that’ll have you believing that you’re actually commanding the Black Pearl?

If the pirate memorabilia and decorations don’t fool you, the extensive bar menu will get you there, whether by dingy or ship. Hoist your flag and set sail for a booze bonanza.

Chris O’Neal is known far and wide for his plundering ways. Follow him on Twitter @agentoneal.