Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

 

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):
If you live in Gaza, you don’t have easy access to Kentucky Fried Chicken. The closest KFC restaurant is 35 miles away in the Egyptian city of el-Arish. But there was a time when you could pay smugglers to bring it to you via one of the underground tunnels that linked Egypt to Gaza. Each delivery took four hours and required the help of two taxis, a hand cart and a motorbike. (Alas, Egypt destroyed most of the tunnels in early 2014.) I recommend, Aries, that you be as determined and resourceful to make your longed-for connections as the KFC lovers in Gaza were. Halloween costume suggestion: smuggler, bootlegger, drug-dealer, black-marketeer.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):
It’s urgent that you expand your options. Your freedom of choice can’t lead you to where you need to go until you have more possibilities to choose from. In fact, you’re better off not making a decision until you have a wider selection. To playfully drive home this point to your subconscious mind, I suggest that this Halloween you consider disguising yourself as a slime mold. This unusual creature comes in more than 500 different genders, at least 13 of which must collaborate to reproduce. Here’s a photo: http://bit.ly/yellowslime.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):
In the animated sci-fi TV sitcom Futurama, Leela is the mutant captain of a spaceship. In one episode, she develops an odd boil on her hindquarters. It has a face and can sing. The actor who provides the vocals for the animated boil’s outpouring of song is Gemini comedian Craig Ferguson, whose main gig is serving as host of a late-night TV talk show on CBS. Telling you this tale is my way of suggesting that you consider going outside your usual niche, as Craig Ferguson did, to offer your talents in a different context. Halloween costume suggestion: Kim Kardashian as a nurse wearing ebola protective gear; science educator Neil deGrasse Tyson as a male stripper; a cat wearing a dog costume, or vice versa.

CANCER
(June 21-July 22):
Native American hero Sitting Bull (1831-1890) was a renowned Lakota chief and holy man. He led his people in their resistance to the U.S. occupation of their land. How did he become so strong and wise? In large part through the efforts of his doting mother, whose name was Her-Holy-Door. Let’s install her as your exemplar for now. May she inspire you to nurture beauty and power in those you love. May she motivate you to be adroit as you perform your duties in service to the future. May the mystery of her name rouse you to find the sacred portal that ushers you to your next big gift. Halloween costume suggestion: a sacred portal, a divine gateway, an amazing door.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):
This is one of those rare times when it’s OK for you to just throw out the dirty dishes that you are too lazy to wash. It’s also permissible to hide from a difficult person, spend money on a supposedly foolish indulgence, eat a bowl of ice cream for breakfast, binge-watch a TV show that provokes six months’ worth of emotions in a few hours, and lie in bed for an extra hour fantasizing about sex with a forbidden partner. Don’t make any of these things habits, of course. But for now, it’s probably healthy to allow them. Halloween costume suggestion: total slacker.

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
Our evolutionary ancestors Homo erectus loved to eat delicious antelope brains. The fossil evidence is all over their old stomping grounds in East Africa. Scientists say that this delicacy, so rich in nutrients, helped our forbears build bigger, stronger brains themselves. These days it’s harder but not impossible to make animal brains part of your diet. The Chinese and Koreans eat pig brains, and some European cuisines include beef brains. I’m confident, however, that your own brain will be functioning better than ever in the coming weeks, even if you don’t partake of this exotic dish. Be sure to take advantage of your enhanced intelligence. Solve tough riddles! Think big thoughts! Halloween costume suggestion: a brain-eating Homo erectus.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
“The egromenious hilarity of psychadisical melarmy, whether rooted in a lissome stretch or a lusty wobble, soon defisterates into crabolious stompability. So why not be graffenbent?” So said Noah’s ex-wife Joan of Arc in her interview with St. Crocodile magazine. Heed Joan’s advice, please, Libra. Be proactively saximonious. I’M KIDDING! Everything I just said was nonsense. I hope you didn’t assume it was erudite wisdom full of big words you couldn’t understand. In offering it to you, I was hoping to immunize you against the babble and hype and artifice that may soon roll your way. Halloween costume suggestion: a skeptic armed with a shock-proof bullshit-detector. (For inspiration, check out these visuals: http://bit.ly/bsdetector.

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
In AMC’s famous TV drama, a high school chemistry teacher responds to his awful luck by turning to a life of crime. The show’s title, Breaking Bad, refers to what happens when a good person cracks and veers over to the dark side. So then what does “breaking good” mean? Urbandictionary.com defines it like this: “When a criminal, junkie or gang-banger gets sweet and sparkly, going to church, volunteering at soup kitchens and picking the kids up from school.” I’m concerned that you are at risk of undergoing a similar conversion, Scorpio. You seem so nice and kind and mild lately. I guess that’s fine as long as you don’t lose your edge. Halloween costume suggestion: a criminal with a halo, a sweet and sparkly gang-banger or a Buddhist monk junkie.

 

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
I’ve got two possible remedies for your emotional congestion. You might also want to make these two remedies part of your Halloween shtick. The first remedy is captured by the English word “lalochezia.” It refers to a catharsis that comes from uttering profane language. The second remedy is contained in the word “tarantism.” It means an urge to dance manically as a way to relieve melancholy. For your Halloween disguise, you could be a wildly dancing obscenity-spouter.

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
You are at a point in your astrological cycle when you deserve to rake in the rewards that you have been working hard to earn. I expect you to be a magnet for gifts and blessings. The favors and compliments you have doled out will be returned to you. For all the strings you have pulled in behalf of others’ dreams, strings will now be pulled for you. Halloween costume suggestion: a beaming kid hauling around a red wagon full of brightly wrapped presents.

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Two physicists in Massachusetts are working on technology that will allow people to shoot laser beams out of their eyes. For Halloween, I suggest that you pretend you have already acquired this superpower. It’s time for you to be brash and jaunty as you radiate your influence with more confidence. I want to see you summon reserves of charismatic clout you haven’t dared to call on before. Costume suggestion: The X-Men mutant named Cyclops or the legendary Native America creature known as the thunderbird, which emits lightning from its eyes.

 
PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):
The African nation of Swaziland has passed a law prohibiting witches from flying their broomsticks any higher than 150 meters above ground. That will a big problem for Piscean witches. There is currently an astrological mandate for them to swoop and glide and soar as high and free as they want to. The same is metaphorically true for all Piscean non-witches everywhere. This is your time to swoop and glide and soar as high and free as you want to. Halloween costume suggestion: high-flying witch, a winged angel, the Silver Surfer or a mythic bird like the Garuda..

Homework: What Halloween costume would help you activate a secret or dormant part of your potential? Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

 

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):
The driest place on the planet is the Atacama Desert in northern Chile. It gets about a half-inch of rain per year. And yet in 2011, archaeologists discovered that it’s also home to a site containing the fossilized skeletons of numerous whales and other ancient sea creatures. I’m detecting a metaphorically comparable anomaly in your vicinity, Aries. A seemingly arid, empty part of your life harbors buried secrets that are available for you to explore. If you follow the clues, you may discover rich pickings that will inspire you to revise your history.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):
Businessman Warren Buffet is worth $65.5 billion, but regularly gives away 27 percent of his fortune to charity. Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates owns $78 billion, and donates 36 percent. Then there are the members of the Walton family, owners of Walmart, where 100 million Americans shop weekly. The Waltons have $136 billion, of which they contribute .04 percent to good causes. You are not wealthy in the same way these people are, Taurus. Your riches consist of resources like your skills, relationships, emotional intelligence, creative power and capacity for love. My invitation to you is to be extra generous with those assets — not as lavish as Buffet or Gates, perhaps, but much more than the Waltons. You are in a phase when giving your gifts is one of the best things you can do to bolster your own health, wealth and well-being.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):
You have two options. You can be in denial about your real feelings and ignore what needs to be fixed and wait for trouble to come find you. Or else you can vow to be resilient and summon your feistiest curiosity and go out searching for trouble. The difference between these two approaches is dramatic. If you mope and sigh and hide, the messy trouble that arrives will be indigestible. But if you are brave and proactive, the interesting trouble you get will ultimately evolve into a blessing.

CANCER
(June 21-July 22):
Astronauts on the International Space Station never wash their underwear. They don’t have enough water at their disposal to waste on a luxury like that. Instead, they fling the dirty laundry out into space. As it falls to Earth, it burns up in the atmosphere. I wish you had an amenity like that right now. In fact, I wish you had a host of amenities like that. If there was ever a time when you should be liberated from having to wash your underwear, make your bed, sweep the floor, and do the dishes, it would be now. Why? Because there are much better ways to spend your time. You’ve got sacred quests to embark on, heroic adventures to accomplish, historical turning points to initiate.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):
What are those new whisperings in your head? Are they messages from your inner teacher? Beacons beamed back through time from the Future You? Clues from the wise parts of your unconscious mind? Whatever they are, Leo, pay attention. These signals from the Great Beyond may not be clear yet, but if you are sufficiently patient, they will eventually tell you how to take advantage of a big plot twist. But here’s a caveat: Don’t automatically believe every single thing the whisperings tell you. Their counsel may not be 100-percent accurate. Be both receptive and discerning toward them.

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
In the English-speaking world, a sundae is a luxurious dessert that features ice cream topped with sweet treats like syrup, sprinkles and fruits. In Korea, a sundae is something very different. It consists of a cow’s or pig’s intestines crammed with noodles, barley and pig’s blood. I expect that in the coming week you will be faced with a decision that has metaphorical similarities to the choice between a sundae and a sundae. Make sure you are quite clear about the true nature of each option.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
The average serving of pasta on a typical American’s plate is almost 480 percent as big as what’s recommended as a healthy portion. So says a research paper titled “The Contribution of Expanding Portion Sizes to the U.S. Obesity Epidemic,” by Lisa R. Young and Marion Nestle. Muffins are 333 percent as large as they need to be, the authors say, and steaks are 224 percent excessive. Don’t get caught up in this trend, Libra. Get what you need, but not way, way more than what you need. For that matter, be judicious in your approach to all of life’s necessities. The coming phase is a time when you will thrive by applying the Goldilocks principle: neither too much nor too little, but just right.

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
“Children are the most desirable opponents at Scrabble,” declares Scorpio author Fran Lebowitz, “as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.” I don’t wholeheartedly endorse that advice for you in the coming days, Scorpio. But would you consider a milder version of it? Let’s propose, instead, that you simply seek easy victories to boost your confidence and hone your skills. By this time next week, if all goes well, you will be ready to take on more ambitious challenges.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
You are entering a phase when you will have more luck than usual as you try to banish parasitic influences, unworthy burdens and lost causes. Here are some projects you might want to work on: 1. Bid farewell to anyone who brings out the worst in you. 2. Heal the twisted effect an adversary has had on you. 3. Get rid of any object that symbolizes failure or pathology. 4. Declare your independence from a situation that wastes your time or drains your resources. 5. Shed any guilt you feel for taking good care of yourself. 6. Stop a bad habit cold turkey.

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Are you ready to be as affable as a Sagittarius, as charismatic as a Leo, as empathetic as a Cancerian and as vigorous an instigator as an Aries? No? You’re not? You’re afraid that would require you to push yourself too far outside your comfort zone? OK, then. Are you willing to be half as affable as a Sagittarius, half as charismatic as a Leo, half as empathetic as a Cancerian and half as inspiring an instigator as an Aries? Or even a quarter as much? I hope you will at least stretch yourself in these directions, Capricorn, because doing so would allow you to take maximum advantage of the spectacular social opportunities that will be available for you in the next four weeks.

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
In the coming weeks I hope you will find practical ways to express your newfound freedom. All the explorations and experiments you have enjoyed recently were fun and provocative, but now it’s time to use the insights they sparked to upgrade your life back in the daily grind. Please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. I love it when you are dreamy and excitable and farseeing, and would never ask you to tone down those attractive qualities. But I am also rooting for you to bring the high-flying parts of you down to earth so that you can reap the full benefits of the bounty they have stirred up. If you work to become more well-grounded, I predict that you will be situated in a new power spot by Dec. 1.

 
PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):
The heavy metal band known as Hatebeak broadened the definition of what constitutes music. Its lead singer was Waldo, an African grey parrot. A review by Aquarius Records called Waldo’s squawks “completely and stupidly brilliant.” For Hatebeak’s second album, they collaborated with animal rights’ activists in the band Caninus, whose lead vocalists were two pit bull terriers, Basil and Budgie. In the coming weeks, Pisces, I’d love to see you get inspired by these experiments. I think you will generate interesting results as you explore expansive, even unprecedented approaches in your own chosen field.

Homework: I invite you to carry out a prank that makes someone feel really good. Report results by going to FreeWillAstrology.com and clicking on “Email Rob.”

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

 

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):
New York City’s Diamond District is home to over 2,000 businesses that buy and sell jewelry. Throughout the years, many people have lost bits of treasure here. Valuable bits of gold and gems have fallen off broken necklaces, earrings, watches and other accessories. Now an enterprising man named Raffi Stepanian is cashing in. Using tweezers and a butter knife, he mines for the rich pickings that are packed in the mud of sidewalk cracks and gutters. “The percentage of gold out here on the street is greater than the amount of gold you would find in a mine,” he says. I’d love to see you get inspired by his efforts, Aries. Dig for treasure in unlikely places where no one else would deign to look.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):
In 1987, a college freshman named Mike Hayes was having trouble paying for his education at the University of Illinois. He appealed for help to the famous newspaper columnist Bob Greene, who asked each of his many readers to send Hayes a penny. The response was tidal. Although most of the ensuing donations were small, they added up to over $28,000 — enough for Hayes to finance his degree. I encourage you to take a comparable approach in the coming weeks, Taurus: Ask for a little from a lot of different sources.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):
The word “abracadabra” is a spell that stage magicians utter at the climax of their tricks, the catalyst that supposedly makes a rabbit materialize from a hat or an assistant disappear in a puff of smoke. There’s no real sorcery. It’s an illusion perpetrated by the magician’s hocus-pocus. But “abracadabra” has a less well-known history as an incantation used by real magicians to generate authentic wizardry. It can be traced back to Gnostic magi of the second century. They and their successors believed that merely speaking the word aloud evoked a potency not otherwise available. I invite you to experiment with this possibility, Gemini. Say “abracadabra” to boost your confidence and enhance your derring-do. You already have more power than usual to change things that have been resistant to change, and intoning some playfully ferocious “abracadabras” may put your efforts over the top.

CANCER
(June 21-July 22):
The 17th-century writer René Descartes is regarded as the father of modern philosophy and the founder of rationalism. His famous catchphrase is a centerpiece of the Western intellectual tradition: “I think, therefore I am.” Here’s what I find amusing and alarming about the man: He read almost nothing besides the Bible and the work of Catholic theologian Thomas Aquinas. He said that classic literature was a waste of time. Is that who we want at the heart of our approach to understanding reality? I say no. In accordance with the astrological omens, I authorize you instead to adopt one or both of the following formulas: “I feel, therefore I am” or “I dream, therefore I am.”

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):
You can’t give what you don’t have. Here’s a corollary: You can sort of half-give what you half-have, but that may lead to messy complications and turn out to be worse than giving nothing at all. So here’s what I recommend: Devote yourself to acquiring a full supply of what you want to give. Be motivated by the frustration you feel at not being able to give it yet. Call on your stymied generosity to be the driving force that inspires you to get the missing magic. When you’ve finally got it, give it.

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
I suspect that one of your allies or loved ones will get caught in his or her own trap. The way you respond will be crucial for how the rest of the story plays out. On the one hand, you shouldn’t climb into the trap, too, and get tangled up in the snarl. On the other hand, it won’t serve your long-term interests to be cold and unhelpful. So what’s the best strategy? First, empathize with the pain, but don’t make it your own. Second, tell the blunt truth in the kindest tone possible. Third, offer a circumscribed type of support that won’t compromise your freedom or integrity.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
In 1936, Libran author F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote about the “crack-up” he had experienced years earlier. It included this tough realization: “I had been only a mediocre caretaker of most of the things left in my hands, even my talent.” Let’s use this as a seed for your oracle. Have you been a good caretaker of your talent? Have you been a good caretaker for other things you are responsible for? Look within yourself and take inventory. If there’s anything lacking, now is an excellent time to raise your game. If you’re doing pretty well, reward yourself.

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
On a late summer day in 1666, scientist Isaac Newton was sitting under an apple tree in his mother’s garden in Lincolnshire, England. An apple fell off a branch and plummeted to the ground. A half-century later, he told his biographer that this incident inspired him to formulate the theory of gravity. Fast forward to the year 2010. Astronaut Piers Sellers got on the space shuttle Atlantis carrying a piece of Newton’s apple tree. He took it with him as he escaped Earth’s gravity on his trip to the International Space Station. By my reading of the astrological omens, now would be an excellent time for you to undertake a comparable gesture or ritual, Scorpio. With a flourish, update your relationship with an important point of origin.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
Most birds don’t sing unless they are up high: either flying or perched somewhere off the ground. One species that isn’t subject to this limitation is the turnstone, a brightly mottled shorebird. As it strolls around beaches in search of food, it croons a tune that the Cornell Lab of Ornithology calls “a short, rattling chuckle.” In the coming weeks, this creature deserves to be your mascot — or your power animal, as they say in New Age circles. Why? I doubt that you will be soaring. You won’t be gazing down at the human comedy from a detached location high above the fray. But I expect you will be well-grounded and good-humored — holding your own with poise amidst the rough-and-tumble. As you ramble, sing freely!

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Let’s discuss that thing you are eyeing and coveting and fantasizing about. My operative theory is that you can enjoy it without actually having it for your own. In fact, I think it will be best if you do enjoy it without possessing it. There’s an odd magic at play here. If this desired thing becomes a fixed part of your life, it may interfere with you attracting two future experiences that I regard as more essential to your development. My advice is to avoid getting attached to the pretty good X-factor so as to encourage the arrival and full bloom of two stellar X-factors.

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
“Problems that remain persistently insoluble should always be suspected as questions asked in the wrong way,” said philosopher Alan Watts. You have either recently made a personal discovery proving that this is true, or else you will soon do so. The brain-scrambling, heart-whirling events of recent weeks have blessed you with a host of shiny new questions. They are vibrant replacements for the tired old questions that have kept at least one of your oldest dilemmas locked in place.

 
PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):
“There is for everyone some one scene, some one adventure, some one picture that is the image of his secret life,” said Irish poet William Butler Yeats. I invite you to identify that numinous presence, Pisces. And then I urge you to celebrate and cultivate it. Give special attention to it and pay tribute to it and shower love on it. Why? Because now is an excellent time to recognize how important your secret life is to you — and to make it come more fully alive than it has ever been.

Homework: Fantasize about ways you could make money from doing what you love to do. Report results! FreeWillAstrology.com.

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

 

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

 

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):
Situation #1: If you meet resistance or doubt, say this: “Ha! This diversion can’t slow me down, because I am in possession of an invisible magical sword!” And then brandish a few charismatic swipes of your sword to prove that you mean business. Situation #2: If angst and worry are preventing your allies from synchronizing their assets with yours, say this: “Begone, dread! For with the power of my wicked crazy songs, I am the destroyer of fear.” And then sing your wicked crazy songs. Situation #3: If you’re finding it hard to discern the difference between useless, ugly monsters and useful, beautiful monsters, say this: “I am a useful, beautiful monster!” Your kind will flock to your side.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):
In her poem “Advice to Myself,” Louise Erdrich speaks of the human heart as “that place you don’t even think of cleaning out. That closet stuffed with savage mementos.” I invite you to use her observations as a prod, Taurus. Now is an excellent time to purge the savage mementos from your heart, and clean the whole place up as best as you can. You don’t have to get all OCD about it. There’s no need to scour and scrub until everything’s spotless. Even a half-hearted effort will set in motion promising transformations in your love life.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):
I hope you will learn more in the next eight months than you have ever before learned in a comparable period. I hope you will make a list of all the subjects you would love to study and all the skills you would love to master, and then devise a plan to gather the educational experiences with which you will reinvent yourself. I hope you will turn your curiosity on full-blast and go in quest of revelations and insights and epiphanies, smashing through the limits of your understanding as you explore the frontiers of sweet knowledge.

CANCER
(June 21-July 22):
Three times a week, I take a hike along a rough path through an oak forest. I say it’s rough because it’s strewn with loose rocks. If I don’t survey the ground as I move, I’m constantly turning my ankles. Or at least that was the case until last week. For two days, with the help of a rake, I cleared many of those bothersome obstacles off the trail. It took several hours, but now the way is smoother. My eyes are free to enjoy the sights that aren’t so close to the ground. I recommend that you do similar work. Stop tolerating inconveniences and irritations that hobble you. Get your foundations in shape to serve you better.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):
American author Edgar Allan Poe (1809-1849) was ahead of his time. He created the genre of the detective story and mastered the art of Gothic horror tales. According to the Internet Movie Database, 240 films have referenced themes from his work. British writer Aldous Huxley wasn’t a fan of Poe, though. He said Poe was “too poetical — the equivalent of wearing a diamond ring on every finger.” Judging from the astrological omens, I suspect you may be at risk to lapse into a diamond-ring-on-every-finger phase yourself, Leo. While I am all in favor of you unveiling more of your radiant beauty, I’m hoping you won’t go too far. How about wearing diamond rings on just four of your fingers?

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
Republican Jody Hice is running for the U.S. House of Representatives in Georgia’s 10th Congressional District. To bolster his authority, he repeats quotes by revered figures from American history. One of his favorites has been a gem from the sixth U.S. President, John Quincy Adams: “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” The only problem is, those words were actually written by country singer Dolly Parton, not by Adams. Don’t get fooled by a comparable case of mistaken identity, Virgo. Be on the alert for unwarranted substitutions and problematic switcheroos. Be a staunch fact-checker. Insist on verification.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
“I am naughtiest of all,” wrote poet Emily Dickinson in a playful letter to Maggie Maher, dated October 1882. In accordance with the astrological omens, I authorize you to let that same declaration fly frequently from your own lips in the coming week. Feel free to invoke other variations on the theme of naughtiness, as well: “I am exploring the frontiers of naughtiness,” for example, or “You need to be naughtier” (said to a person you’d like to get naughty with), or “Being naughty is my current spiritual practice.”

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
“There’s a way not to be broken that takes brokenness to find it,” writes Naomi Shihab Nye in her poem “Cinco de Mayo.” I suspect this describes your situation right now. The bad news is that you are feeling a bit broken. The good news is that this is a special kind of brokenness — a brokenness that contains a valuable secret you have never been ready to learn before now. Allow yourself to feel the full intensity of the brokenness, and you will discover a way never to be broken like this again.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
In a competitive game show on Japanese TV, 13 people had slabs of meat tied to their foreheads. They then poked their heads up from below, through holes in the floor of an elevated platform, where a hungry lizard was stalking around. But not one of the contestants stuck around when the lizard came to nibble the meat; they all ducked down out of their holes and fled to safety. That was probably wise, although it meant that the prize went unclaimed. Now I’m wondering, Sagittarius, about what might happen if a similar event were staged in your neighborhood. I suspect there’s a chance you would will yourself to stand calmly as the lizard feasted on the meat just inches from your eyes. As much as I admire that kind of poised courage, I want you to know that there are better ways to express it. Be on the lookout for noble challenges with goals that are truly worthy of you.

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Director Michael Bay makes big, loud, fast, melodramatic action films, including Armageddon, Pearl Harbor and the four Transformers movies. The critics hate him, but he’s unfazed. “I make movies for teenage boys,” he says. “Oh, dear, what a crime,” he adds sarcastically. I love that stance. He knows what he’s good at, and makes no apologies for doing it. I recommend that you cop some of that attitude right now.


AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
While walking in San Francisco, I passed the Pacific Heights Health Club. The sign out front said, “Birthday suits tailored here.” It was a witty reference to the idea that working out at a gym helps people get their naked bodies in good shape. I’d like to interpret the sign’s message in a different way, and apply it to you. The time is right for you to get back in touch with your raw, original self, and give it the care and the fuel and the treats it has been missing. Who did you start out to be? What does your soul’s blueprint say about who you must become? Home in on your source code and boost its signal.

 
PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):
Horror novelist Stephen King has sold more than 350 million books. But when he was young and destitute, still honing his craft, his self-confidence was low. His breakthrough work was Carrie, about a teenage girl who develops telekinetic powers. But when he was first writing that manuscript on his old manual typewriter, he got so discouraged that he threw his first draft in the trashcan. Luckily for him, his wife retrieved it and convinced him to keep plugging away. Eventually he finished, and later sold the paperback rights for $400,000. I hope you have an ally who will go digging in your garbage to fish out the good stuff you unwisely discard. Or maybe this horoscope will convince you not to scrap it in the first place.

Homework: What’s the most amazing feat you ever pulled off? What will you do for your next amazing feat? Truthrooster@gmail.com.

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

 

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):
As I hike through the wilderness at dusk, the crickets always seem to be humming in the distance. No matter where I go, their sound is farther off, never right up close to me. How can that be? Do they move away from me as I approach? I doubt it. I sense no leaping insects in the underbrush. Here’s how this pertains to you: My relationship with the crickets’ song is similar to a certain mystery in your life. There’s an experience that calls to you but forever seems just out of reach. You think you’re drawing nearer, about to touch it and be in its midst, but it inevitably eludes you. Now here’s the good news: A change is coming for you. It will be like what would happen if I suddenly found myself intimately surrounded by hundreds of chirping crickets.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):
In three years, you will comprehend truths about yourself and your life that you don’t have the capacity to grasp now. By then, past events that have been confusing to you will make sense. You’ll know what their purpose was and why they occurred. Can you wait that long? If you’d rather not, I have an idea: Do a meditation in which you visualize yourself as you will be three years from today. Imagine asking your future self to tell you what he or she has discovered. The revelations may take a while to start rolling in, but I predict that a whole series of insights will have arrived by this time next week.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):
The journey that awaits you is succinct but epic. It will last a relatively short time but take months to fully understand. You may feel natural and ordinary as you go through it, even as you are being rather heroic. Prepare as best you can, but keep in mind that no amount of preparation will get you completely ready for the spontaneous moves you’ll be called on to perform. Don’t be nervous! I bet you will receive help from an unexpected source. Feelings of déjà-vu may crop up and provide a sense of familiarity — even though none of what occurs will have any precedents.

CANCER
(June 21-July 22):
In the wild, very few oysters produce pearls — about one in every 10,000. Most commercial pearls come from farmed oysters whose pearls have been induced by human intervention. As you might expect, the natural jewel is regarded as far more precious. Let’s use these facts as metaphors while we speculate about your fate in the next eight months. I believe you will acquire or generate a beautiful new source of value for yourself. There’s a small chance you will stumble upon a treasure equivalent to the wild pearl. But I suggest you take the more secure route: working hard to create a treasure that’s like a cultivated pearl.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):
In June 2012, a U.S. senator introduced a bill that would require all members of Congress to actually read or listen to a reading of any bill before they vote on it. The proposal has been in limbo ever since, and it’s unlikely it will ever be treated seriously. This is confusing to me. Shouldn’t it be a fundamental requirement that all lawmakers know what’s in the laws they pass? Don’t make a similar error, Leo. Understand exactly what you are getting into, whether it’s a new agreement, an interesting invitation or a tempting opportunity. Be thoroughly informed.

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
Oliver Evans (1755-1819) was a prolific Virgo inventor who came up with brilliant ideas for steam engines, urban gas lighting, refrigeration and automated machines. He made a radical prediction: “The time will come when people will travel in stages moved by steam engines, almost as fast as birds fly, 15 or 20 miles an hour.” We may be surprised that a visionary innovator like Evans dramatically minimized the future’s possibilities. In the same way, I suspect that later in your life, you might laugh at how much you are underestimating your potentials right now. In telling you this, I’m hoping you will stop underestimating.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
When Jimmy Fallon was a senior in high school, he received a weird graduation gift: a troll doll, one of those plastic figurines with frizzy, brightly colored hair. Around the same time, his mother urged him to enter an upcoming comedy contest at a nearby club. Jimmy decided that would be fun. He worked up a routine in which he imitated various celebrities auditioning to become a spokesperson for troll dolls. With the doll by his side, he won the contest, launching his career as a comedian. I foresee the possibility of a comparable development in your life: an odd blessing or unexpected gift that inspires you to express one of your talents on a higher level.

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
“Dear So-Called Astrologer: Your horoscopes are worse than useless. Mostly they are crammed with philosophical and poetic crap that doesn’t apply to my daily life. Please cut way back on the fancy metaphors. Just let me know if there is money or love or trouble coming my way — like what regular horoscopes say! — Skeptical Scorpio.” Dear Skeptical: In my astrological opinion, you and your fellow Scorpios will soon feel the kind of pressure you just directed at me. People will ask you to be different from what you actually are. My advice? Do not acquiesce to them.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
Tomatoes are a staple of Italian cuisine now, but there weren’t any tomatoes in Europe until the 16th century, when Spanish explorers brought them from Central and South America. Likewise, Malaysia has become a major producer of rubber, but it had no rubber trees until seeds were smuggled out of Brazil in the 19th century. And bananas are currently a major crop in Ecuador thanks to 16th-century Portuguese sailors, who transported them from West Africa. I foresee the possibility of comparable cross-fertilizations happening for you in the coming months, Sagittarius. Do you have your eye on any remote resources you’d like to bring back home?

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Years ago, you experienced an event that was so overwhelming you could not fully deal with it, let alone understand it. All this time it has been simmering and smoldering in the depths of your unconscious mind, emitting ghostly steam and smoke even as it has remained difficult for you to integrate. But I predict that will change in the coming months. You will finally find a way to bring it into your conscious awareness and explore it with courage and grace. Of course it will be scary for you to do so. But I assure you that the fear is a residue from your old confusion, not a sign of real danger. To achieve maximum liberation, begin your quest soon.


AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
This is prime time to do things that aren’t exactly easy and relaxing, but that on the other hand aren’t actually painful. Examples: Extend peace offerings to adversaries. Seek reconciliation with valuable resources from which you have been separated and potential allies from whom you have become alienated. Try out new games you would eventually like to be good at, but aren’t yet. Get a better read on interesting people you don’t understand very well. Catch my drift, Aquarius? For now, at least, leaving your comfort zone is likely to be invigorating, not arduous.

 
PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):
Your oracle is built around the epigrams of conceptual artist Jenny Holzer. From her hundreds of pithy quotes, I have selected six that offer the exact wisdom you need most right now. Your job is to weave them all together into a symphonic whole. 1. “It’s crucial to have an active fantasy life.” 2. “Ensure that your life stays in flux.” 3. “I have every kind of thought, and that is no embarrassment.” 4. “Animalism is perfectly healthy.” 5. “Finding extreme pleasure will make you a better person if you’re careful about what thrills you.”  6. “Listen when your body talks.”

Homework: Make nonsense noises for a minute straight every day this week. Report results to Truthrooster@gmail.com.

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

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