Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

 

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):
Chris Moneymaker was employed as an accountant in Tennessee. On a whim, he paid $39 to enter an online poker tournament. Although he knew a lot about the game, he had never competed professionally. Nevertheless, he won the tournament. As his award, he received no money, but rather an invitation to participate in the annual World Series of Poker in Las Vegas. Can you guess the storybook ending? The rookie triumphed over 838 pros, taking home $2.5 million. I don’t foresee anything quite as spectacular for you, Aries, but there may be similar elements in your saga. For example, a modest investment on your part could make you eligible for a chance to earn much more. Here’s another possible pot twist: You could generate luck for yourself by ramping up a skill that has until now been a hobby.


TAURUS

(April 20-May 20):
eBay is a multi-billion-dollar e-commerce business that has been around for almost 20 years. But it had an inauspicious beginning. The first item ever sold on the service was a broken laser pointer. Even though the laser pointer didn’t work, and the seller informed the buyer it didn’t work, it brought in $14.83. This story might be a useful metaphor for your imminent future, Taurus. While I have faith in the vigor of the long-term trends you are or will soon be setting in motion, your initial steps may be a bit iffy.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):
Poetically speaking, it’s time to purify your world of all insanities, profanities and inanities. It’s a perfect moment for that once-in-a-blue-moon Scour-a-Thon, when you have a mandate to purge all clunkiness, junkiness and gunkiness from your midst. And as you flush away the unease of your hypocrisies and discrepancies, as you dispense with any tendency you might have to make way too much sense, remember that evil is allergic to laughter. Humor is one of the most effective psychospiritual cleansers ever.

CANCER
(June 21-July 22):
I was in the checkout line at Whole Foods. The shopper ahead of me had piled her groceries on the conveyor belt, and it was her turn to be rung up. “How are you doing?” she said cheerfully to the cashier, a crabby-looking hipster whom I happened to know is a Cancerian poet and lead singer in a local rock band. “Oh, I am living my dream,” he replied. I guessed he was being sarcastic, although I didn’t know for sure. In any case, I had a flash of intuition that his answer should be your mantra in the coming weeks. It’s time to redouble your commitment to living your dream! Say it 20 times in a row right now: “I am living my dream.”

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):
As I awoke this morning, I remembered the dream I’d just had. In the dream, I had written a horoscope for you. Here’s what it said: “The Kentucky Derby is a famous horse race that takes place on the first Saturday of every May. It’s called ‘The Run for the Roses’ because one of the prizes that goes to the winning horse and jockey is a garland of 554 roses. I suspect that your life may soon bring you an odd treasure like that, Leo. Will it be a good thing, or too much of a good thing? Will it be useful or just kind of weird? Beautiful or a bit ridiculous? The answers to those questions may depend in part on your willingness to adjust your expectations.”

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
Don’t calm down. Don’t retreat into your sanctuary and relax into protective comfort. If you have faith and remain committed to the messy experiment you have stirred up, the stress and agitation you’re dealing with will ripen into vitality and excitement. I’m not exaggerating, my dear explorer. You’re on the verge of tapping into the catalytic beauty and rejuvenating truth that lurk beneath the frustration. You’re close to unlocking the deeper ambitions that are trapped inside the surface-level wishes.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
American author Stephen Crane wrote his celebrated Civil War novel The Red Badge of Courage in 10 days. Composer George Frideric Handel polished off his famous oratorio Messiah in a mere 24 days, and Russian writer Fyodor Dostoyevsky produced his novel The Gambler in 16 days. On the other hand, Junot Díaz, who won a Pulitzer Prize for his novel The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, needed 10 years to finish it. As for you, Libra, I think this is — and should be! — a phase more like Díaz’s than the other three creators’. Go slowly. Be super extra thorough. What you’re working on can’t be rushed.

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
In her book A Natural History of the Senses, Diane Ackerman describes a medieval knight who asked his lady for a strand of her pubic hair: a symbol of her life force. The lady agreed. He placed the talisman in a locket that he wore around his neck, confident that it would protect him and consecrate him in the course of the rough adventures ahead. I recommend that you consider a similar tack in the coming weeks, Scorpio. As you head toward your turning point, arm yourself with a personal blessing from someone you love. Success is most likely if you tincture your fierce determination with magical tenderness.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
“An escalator can never break,” mused comedian Mitch Hedberg. “It can only become stairs. You should never see an ‘Escalator Temporarily Out of Order’ sign, just ‘Escalator Is Temporarily Stairs.’” I think a similar principle applies to you, Sagittarius. If we were to try to evaluate your current situation with conventional wisdom, we might say that part of your usual array of capacities is not functioning at its usual level. But if we adopted a perspective like Hedberg’s, we could rightly say that this part of you is simply serving its purpose in a different way.

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
 I’ve got a tough assignment for you.  It won’t be easy, but I think you’re ready to do a good job. Here it is: Learn to be totally at home with your body. Figure out what you need to do to feel unconditional love for your physical form. To get started on this noble and sacred task, practice feeling compassion for your so-called imperfections. I also suggest you cast a love spell on yourself every night, using a red candle, a mirror and your favorite creamy beverage. It may also help to go down to the playground and swing on the swings, make loud animal sounds or engage in unusually uninhibited sex. Do you have any other ideas?

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
When Aquarian media mogul Oprah Winfrey was born, “Oprah” was not what she was called. Her birth certificate says she is “Orpah,” a name her aunt borrowed from a character who appears in the biblical Book of Ruth. As Oprah grew up, her friends and relatives had trouble pronouncing “Orpah,” and often turned it into “Oprah.” The distorted form eventually stuck. But if I were her, I would consider revisiting that old twist sometime soon, maybe even restoring “Orpah.” For you Aquarians, it’s a favorable time to investigate original intentions or explore primal meanings or play around with the earliest archetypes.

PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):
What I propose is that you scan your memories and identify everyone who has ever tried to limit your options or dampen your enthusiasm or crush your freedom. Take a piece of paper and write down a list of the times someone insinuated that you will forever be stuck in a shrunken possibility, or made a prediction about what you will supposedly never be capable of, or said you had a problem that was permanently beyond your ability to solve. Once you’ve compiled all the constricting ideas about yourself that other people have tried to saddle you with, burn that piece of paper and declare yourself exempt from their curses. In the days after you do this ritual, all of life will conspire with you to expand your freedom.

Homework: What’s the decision you agonize about? The commitment you can never make? Tell all at FreeWillAstrology.com.

 

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.
 

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

 

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):
If you’re stumped about what present to give someone for a special occasion, you might buy him or her a gift card. It’s a piece of plastic that can be used as cash to buy stuff at a store. The problem is, a lot of people neglect to redeem their gift cards. They leave them in drawers and forget about them. Financial experts say there are currently billions of dollars going to waste on unredeemed gift cards. This is your metaphor of the moment, Aries. Are there any resources you’re not using? Any advantages you’re not capitalizing on? Any assets you’re ignoring? If so, fix the problem.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):
I usually have no objection to your devoted concern (I won’t use the phrase “manic obsession”) with security and comfort. But there are rare phases in every Taurus’s life cycle when ironclad stability becomes a liability. Cruising along in a smooth groove threatens to devolve into clunking along in a gutless rut. Now is such a phase. As of this moment, it is healthy for you to seek out splashes of unpredictability. Wisdom is most likely to grow from uncertainty. Joy will emerge from an eagerness to treasure the unknown.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):
There may be a floodlike event that will wash away worn-out stuff you don’t need any more. There might be an earthquake-type phenomenon that only you can feel, and it might demolish one of your rotten obstacles. There could be a lucky accident that will knock you off the wrong course (which you might have thought was the right course). All in all, I suspect it will be a very successful week for benevolent forces beyond your control. How much skill do you have in the holy art of surrender?

CANCER
(June 21-July 22):
What is your biggest excuse? Or rather, what is your THICKEST, SICKEST, MOST DEBILITATING EXCUSE? We all have one: a reason we tell ourselves about why it’s difficult to live up to our potential; a presumed barrier that we regard as so deeply rooted that we will never be able to break its spell on us. Maybe it’s a traumatic memory. Maybe it’s a physical imperfection or a chronic fear. In accordance with the current astrological omens, Cancerian, you’d be wise to do an audit and reassessment of your own LAMEST EXCUSE. I suspect you now have insight about it that you’ve never had before. I also think you have more power than usual to at least partially dismantle it.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):
If you were a supporting character in a popular TV drama, the producers would be cooking up a spin-off show with you in a starring role. If you were in an indie rock band, you’d be ready to move from performing at 300-seat venues to clubs with an audience capacity of 2,000. If you have always been just an average egocentric romantic like the rest of us, you might be on the verge of becoming a legend in your own mind — in which case it would be time to start selling T-shirts, mugs and calendars with your image on them. And even if you are none of the above, Leo, I suspect you’re ready to rise to the next level.

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
Free at last! Free at last! Thanks to the Lord of the Universe or the Flying Spaghetti Monster or a burst of crazy good luck, you are free at last! You are free from the burden that made you say things you didn’t mean! You are free from the seductive temptation to rent, lease or even sell your soul! Best of all, you are free from the mean little voice in your head — you know, the superstitious perfectionist that whispers weird advice based on fearful delusions! So now what will you do, my dear? You have escaped from the cramped, constricted conditions. Maybe you can escape to wide-open spaces that will unleash the hidden powers of your imagination.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
“To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first,” says Libra actress and activist Janeane Garofalo. I can think of other ways to measure bravery, but for your immediate future, her definition will serve just fine. Your ultimate test will be to freely give your tenderness and compassion and empathy — without any preconditions or expectations. For the sake of your own integrity and mental health, be steadfast in your intention to always strike the first blow for peace, love and understanding.

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
It will soon be that time when you are halfway between your last birthday and your next birthday. I invite you to make this a special occasion. Maybe you can call it your anti-birthday or unbirthday. How to celebrate? Here are some ideas: 1. Imagine who you would be if you were the opposite of yourself. 2. Write a list of all the qualities you don’t possess and the things you don’t need and the life you don’t want to live. 3. Try to see the world through the eyes of people who are unlike you. 4. Extend a warm welcome to the shadowy, unripe, marginal parts of your psyche that you have a hard time accepting, let alone loving. 5. Any other ways you can think of to celebrate your anti-birthday?

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
As I climb the first hill along my regular hike, both sides of the path are dominated by a plant with glossy, three-lobed leaves. They’re so exuberant and cheerful, I’m tempted to caress them, even rub my face in their bright greenery. But I refrain, because they are poison oak. One touch would cause my skin to break out in an inflamed rash that would last for days. I encourage you, too, to forgo contact with any influence in your own sphere that is metaphorically equivalent to the alluring leaves of the poison oak.

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
 Today the French Capricorn painter Henri Matisse (1869-1954) is regarded as a foremost pioneer of modern art. Some critics say his innovative influence on painting nearly matched Picasso’s. But during the first part of the 20th century, his work often provoked controversy. When a few of his paintings appeared at a major exhibition in Chicago, for example, local art students were shocked by what they called its freakishness. They held a mock trial, convicted Matisse of artistic crimes, and burned his painting Blue Nude in effigy. I don’t expect that you will face reactions quite as extreme as that in the coming weeks, Capricorn. But it will make sense to express yourself with such forceful creativity and originality that you risk inciting strong responses.

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Leonardo da Vinci had skills in many fields, ranging from botany to engineering to cartography, but he is best known as a painter. And yet in his 67 years on the planet, he finished fewer than 40 paintings. He worked at a very gradual pace. The Mona Lisa took him 14 years! That’s the kind of deliberate approach I’d like to see you experiment with in the coming weeks, Aquarius. Just for a while, see what it’s like to turn down your levels of speed and intensity. Have you heard of the Slow Food Movement? Have you read Carl Honoré’s book In Praise of Slowness? Do you know about Slow Travel, Slow Media and Slow Fashion?

PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):
Modern movies don’t scrimp on the use of the f-bomb. Actors in The Wolf of Wall Street spat it out 569 times. The word-that-rhymes-with-cluck was heard 326 times in End of Watch, while Brooklyn’s Finest racked up 270 and This Is the End erupted with an even 200. But this colorful word hasn’t always been so prominent a feature. Before 1967, no actor had ever uttered it on-screen. That year, Marianne Faithfull let it fly in the film I’ll Never Forget What’s’isname. In the coming weeks, Pisces, I invite you to break a taboo that’s maybe not as monumental as Faithfull’s quantum leap, but still fabulously fun and energizing. Be a liberator! End the repression! Release the blocked vitality!

Homework: Find out what you’ve been hiding from yourself — but be kind about it. Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.

 

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.
 

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

 

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):
The California Gold Rush hit its peak between 1849 and 1855. Three hundred thousand adventurers flocked to America’s West Coast in search of gold. In the early days, gold nuggets were lying around on the ground in plain sight, or relatively easy to find in gravel beds at the bottoms of streams. But later prospectors had to work harder, developing methods to extract the gold from rocks that contained it. One way to detect the presence of the precious metal was through the use of nitric acid, which corroded any substance that wasn’t gold. The term “acid test” refers to that process. I bring this to your attention, Aries, because it’s a good time for you to use the metaphorical version of an acid test as you ascertain whether what you have discovered is truly golden.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):
The time between now and your birthday will provide you with excellent opportunities to resolve lingering problems, bring drawn-out melodramas to a conclusion, and clean up old messes — even the supposedly interesting ones. You want to know what else this upcoming period will be good for? I’ll tell you: 1. Surrendering control-freak fantasies. 2. Relieving your backlog of tension. 3. Expelling delusional fears that you cling to out of habit. 4. Laughing long and hard at the cosmic jokes that have tweaked your attitude.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):
In the mid-19th century, the entrance exam for the British Royal Navy was quite odd. Some candidates were required to write down the Lord’s Prayer, recite the multiplication table for the number 3, get naked and jump over a chair, and drink a glass of sherry. I’m guessing that your own initiation or rite of passage may, at least initially, seem as puzzling or nonsensical as that one. You might be hard-pressed to understand how it is pertinent to the next chapter of your life story. And yet I suspect that you will ultimately come to the conclusion — although it may take some time — that this transition was an excellent lead-in and preparation for what’s to come.

 
CANCER
(June 21-July 22):
In 1909, Sergei Diaghilev founded the Ballets Russes, a Parisian ballet company that ultimately revolutionized the art form. The collaborative efforts he catalyzed were unprecedented. He drew on the talents of visual artists Picasso and Matisse, composers Stravinsky and Debussy, designer Coco Chanel and playwright Jean Cocteau, teaming them up with top choreographers and dancers. His main goal was not primarily to entertain, but rather to excite and inspire and inflame. That’s the spirit I think you’ll thrive on in the coming weeks, Cancerian. It’s not a time for nice diversions and comfy satisfactions. Go in quest of Ballets Russes-like bouts of arousal, awakening and delight.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):
“Don’t ever tame your demons — always keep them on a leash.” That’s a line from a song by Irish rock musician Hozier. Does it have any meaning for you? Can your personal demons somehow prove useful to you if you keep them wild but under your control? If so, how exactly might they be useful? Could they provide you with primal energy you wouldn’t otherwise possess? Might their presence be a reminder of the fact that everyone you meet has their own demons and therefore deserves your compassion? I suspect that these are topics worthy of your consideration right now. Your relationship to your demons is ripe for transformation — possibly even a significant upgrade.


VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
Will you be the difficult wizard, Virgo? Please say yes. Use your magic to summon elemental forces that will shatter the popular obstacles. Offer the tart medicine that tempers and tests as it heals. Bring us bracing revelations that provoke a fresher, sweeter order. I know it’s a lot to ask, but right now there’s no one more suited to the tasks. Only you can manage the stern grace that will keep us honest. Only you have the tough humility necessary to solve the riddles that no one else can even make sense of.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
My message this week might be controversial to the Buddhists among you. But I’ve got to report the cosmic trends as I see them, right? It’s my sacred duty not to censor or sanitize the raw data. So here’s the truth as I understand it: More desire is the answer to your pressing questions. Passionate intensity is the remedy for all wishy-washy wishes and anesthetized emotions. The stronger your longing, the smarter you’ll be. So if your libido is not already surging and throbbing under its own power, I suggest you get it teased and tantalized until it does.

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
Karelu is a word from the Tulu language that’s spoken in South India. It refers to the marks made on human skin by clothing that’s too tight. As you know, the effect is temporary. Once the close-fitting garment is removed, the imprint will eventually disappear as the skin restores its normal shape and texture. I see the coming days as being a time when you will experience a metaphorical version of karelu, Scorpio. You will shed some form of constriction, and it may take a while for you to regain your full flexibility and smoothness.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
Georgia is not just an American state. It’s also a country that’s at the border of Western Asia and Eastern Europe. Many people who live there speak the Georgian language. They have a word, shemomedjamo, that refers to what happens when you love the taste of the food you’re eating so much that you continue to pile it in your mouth well past the time when you’re full. I’d like to use it as a metaphor for what I hope you won’t do in the coming days: get too much of a good thing. On the other hand, it’s perfectly fine to get just the right, healthy amount of a good thing.

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
When you’re a driver in a car race, an essential rule in making a successful pit stop is to get back on the track as quickly as possible. Once the refueling is finished and your new tires are in place, you don’t want to be cleaning out your cup holder or checking the side-view mirror to see how you look. Do I really need to tell you this? Aren’t you usually the zodiac’s smartest competitor? I understand that you’re trying to become more skilled at the arts of relaxation, but can’t you postpone that until after this particular race is over? Remember that there’s a difference between the bad kind of stress and the good kind. I think you actually need some of the latter.

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Until the early 20th century, mayonnaise was considered a luxury food, a handmade delicacy reserved for the rich. An entrepreneur named Richard Hellman changed that. He developed an efficient system to produce and distribute the condiment at a lower cost. He put together effective advertising campaigns. The increasing availability of refrigeration helped, too, making mayonnaise a more practical food. I foresee the possibility of a comparable evolution in your own sphere, Aquarius: the transformation of a specialty item into a mainstay, or the evolution of a rare pleasure into a regular occurrence.

PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):
Piscean author Dr. Seuss wrote and illustrated over 40 books for children. Midway through his career, his publisher dared him to make a new book that used no more than 50 different words. Accepting the challenge, Seuss produced Green Eggs and Ham, which went on to become the fourth-best-selling English-language children’s book in history. I invite you to learn from Seuss’s efforts, Pisces. How? Take advantage of the limitations that life has given you. Be grateful for the way those limitations compel you to be efficient and precise. Use your constraints as inspiration to create a valuable addition to your life story.

Homework: When was the last time you loved yourself with consummate artfulness and grace? Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.
 

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

 

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):
Uitwaaien is a Dutch word that means to go out for a stroll in windy weather simply because it’s exhilarating. I don’t know any language that has parallel terms for running in the rain for the dizzy joy of it, or dancing through a meadow in the dark because it’s such nonsensical fun, or singing at full volume while riding alone in an elevator in the mad-happy quest to purge your tension. But in the coming weeks, you don’t need to describe or explain experiences like this; you just need to do them. Experiment with giving your instinctive need for exuberance lots of room to play.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):
Your nasty, nagging little demon isn’t nasty or nagging any more. It’s not doing what demons are supposed to do. It’s confused, haggard, and ineffective. I almost feel sorry for the thing. It is barely even keeping you awake at night, and its ability to motivate you through fear is at an all-time low. Here’s what I suggest: Now, when the demon’s strength is waning and its hold on you is weak, you should break up with it for good. Perform an ultimate, nonreversible exorcism. Buy it a one-way bus ticket to the wasteland and say goodbye forever.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):
When he was in his 50s, French painter Claude Monet finally achieved financial success. He used his new riches to buy a house and land, then hired gardeners to help him make a pond full of water lilies. For the first time in his life, he began to paint water lilies. During the next 30 years, they were his obsession and his specialty. He made them a central feature of 250 canvases, which now serve as one of his signature contributions to art history. “I planted my water lilies for pleasure,” he said. “I cultivated them without thinking of painting them. And then suddenly, I had the revelation of the magic of my pond.” I regard the imminent future as a good time for you to do something similar, Gemini: Create or find a source of beauty that will stimulate your sense of wonder and fuel your passion to express yourself for a long time.

CANCER
(June 21-July 22):
“Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love,” said Cancerian comedian Mel Brooks. Although he was joking, he was also quite serious. More often than we like to admit, desperation infects our quest to be cared for. Our decisions about love may be motivated by a dread of loneliness. We worry about whether we are worthy of getting the help and support we need. It’s a fundamental human problem, so there’s no reason to be ashamed if you have this tendency yourself. Having said that, I’m happy to report that you now have the necessary power to overcome this tendency. You will be able to summon tremendous courage as you revise and refine your relationship with love. It’s time to disappear the fear.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):
Do you ever feel reverence and awe, Leo? Are there times when you spontaneously yearn to engage in acts of worship? Is there anyone or anything that evokes your admiration, humility and gratitude? The coming weeks will be a good time to seek out experiences like these. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you will get tender jolts of transformational inspiration if you blend yourself with a sublime force that you trust and respect.

VIRGO
A lot has happened since you were . . . uh . . . indisposed. You’ve missed out on several plot twists. The circle has been broken, repaired, broken again and partially repaired. Rumors have been flying, allegiances have been shifting, and riddles have been deepening. So are you ready yet to return to the heated action? Have you learned as much as you can from the commotion that provoked your retreat? Don’t try to return too early. Make sure you are at least 70 percent healed.


LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
Rent, but don’t buy yet. That’s my $250-per-hour advice. Keep rehearsing, but don’t start performing the actual show. OK? Flirt, but don’t fall in love. Can you handle that much impulse control? Are you strong enough to explore the deeper mysteries of patience? I swear to you that your burning questions will ultimately be answered if you don’t try to force the answers to arrive according to a set timetable. I guarantee that you will make the necessary connections as long as you don’t insist that they satisfy every single one of your criteria.


SCORPIO

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
The Guerrilla Girls are a group of prankster activists who use humor to expose sexism and racism in the art world. Every so often they take a “weenie count” at New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art. During their first survey in 1989, they found that five percent of the artists who had work hanging in the galleries were women, while 85 percent of the nudes depicted in the paintings were women. More recently, in 2012, their weenie count revealed that four percent of the artists were female, but 76 percent of the naked people in the paintings were female. The coming week would be a good time for you to take a weenie count in your own sphere, Scorpio. Conditions are more favorable than usual to call attention to gender disparities, and to initiate corrective action.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
The English term “engine” refers primarily to a machine that transforms energy into mechanical power. But its roots are in the Old French word engin, which meant skill or wit, and in the Latin word ingenium, defined as “inborn talent.” I’d like to borrow the original meanings to devise your horoscope this week. According to my reading of the astrological omens, your “engine” is unusually strong right now, which means that your cultivated skills and innate talents are functioning at peak levels. I suggest you make intensive use of them to produce maximum amounts of energy and gather more of the clout you’d love to wield.

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
What I’m about to say is not a hard scientific fact, but it is a rigorous poetic fable. You don’t need to go to the mountain, because the mountain is willing and able to come to you. But will it actually come to you? Yes, but only if you meet two conditions. The mountain will pick itself up and move all the way to where you are if you make a lot of room for it and if you are prepared to work with the changes its arrival will bring.


AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
If you were a 4-year-old, cookies might be a valuable treasure to you. Given a choice between a bowl of stir-fried organic vegetables and a plate full of chocolate coconut macaroons, you’d probably choose the macaroons. For that matter, if you were 4 years old and were asked to decide between getting a pile of macaroons and a free vacation to Bali or an original painting by Matisse or a personal horoscope reading from the world’s greatest astrologer, you’d also opt for the cookies. But since you’re a grownup, your list of priorities is screwed on straight, right? You would never get distracted by a sugary, transitory treat that would cause you to ignore a more nourishing and long-lasting pleasure. Right?  

PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):
On June 23, 1917, Babe Ruth was the starting pitcher for the Boston Red Sox in a Major League Baseball game against the Washington Senators. After the first batter drew a walk, Ruth got upset with the home plate umpire and punched him in the head. Ejected! Banished! The Babe had to be dragged off the field by the cops. The new pitcher was Ernie Shore. He proceeded to pitch a perfect game, allowing no further Washington player to reach base in all nine innings. In the coming weeks, Pisces, I see you as having the potential to duplicate Ernie Shore’s performance in your own sphere. Coming in as a replacement, you will excel. Chosen as a substitute, you will outdo the original.

Homework: What’s the best question you could ask life right now? Tell me by going to FreeWillAstrology.com and clicking on “Email Rob.”

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.
 

Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology

 

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):
“Choconiverous” is an English slang word that’s defined as having the tendency, when eating a chocolate Easter Bunny, to bite the head off first. I recommend that you adopt this direct approach in everything you do in the coming weeks. Don’t get bogged down with preliminaries. Don’t get sidetracked by minor details, trivial distractions or peripheral concerns. It’s your duty to swoop straight into the center of the action. Be clear about what you want and unapologetic about getting it.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):
The American snack cake known as a Twinkie contains 68 percent air. Among its 37 other mostly worthless ingredients are sugar, water, cornstarch, the emulsifier polysorbate 60, the filler sodium stearoyl lactylate and food coloring. You can’t get a lot of nutritiounal value by eating it. Now let’s consider the fruit known as the watermelon. It’s 91 percent water and 6 percent sugar. And yet it also contains a good amount of vitamin C, lycopene and antioxidants, all of which are healthy for you. So if you are going to eat a whole lot of nothing, watermelon is a far better nothing than a Twinkie. Let that serve as an apt metaphor for you in the coming week.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 20):
You may be as close as you have ever gotten to finding the long-lost Holy Grail — or Captain Kidd’s pirate treasure, for that matter, or Marie Antoinette’s jewels, or Tinkerbell’s magical fairy dust, or the smoking-gun evidence that Shakespeare’s plays were written by Francis Bacon. At the very least, I suspect you are ever so near to your personal equivalent of those precious goods. Is there anything you can do to increase your chances of actually getting it? Here’s one tip: Visualize in detail how acquiring the prize would inspire you to become even more generous and magnanimous than you already are.

CANCER
(June 21-July 22):
People are paying attention to you in new ways. That’s what you wanted, right? You’ve been emanating subliminal signals that convey messages like “Gaze into my eternal eyes” and “Bask in the cozy glow of my crafty empathy.” So now what? Here’s one possibility: Go to the next level. Show the even more interesting beauty that you’re hiding below the surface. You may not think you’re ready to offer the gifts you have been “saving for later.” But you always think that. I dare you to reveal more of your deep secret power.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22):
Some people believe unquestioningly in the truth and power of astrology. They imagine it’s an exact science that can unfailingly discern character and predict the future. Other people believe all astrology is nonsense. They think that everyone who uses it is deluded or stupid. I say that both of these groups are wrong. Both have a simplistic, uninformed perspective. The more correct view is that some astrology is nonsense and some is a potent psychological tool. Some of it’s based on superstition and some is rooted in a robust mythopoetic understanding of archetypes. I encourage you to employ a similar appreciation for paradox as you evaluate a certain influence that is currently making a big splash in your life. In one sense, this influence is like snake oil, and you should be skeptical about it. But in another sense, it’s good medicine that can truly heal.

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
According to the biblical stories, Peter was Christ’s closest disciple but acted like a traitor when trouble came. After Christ was arrested, in the hours before the trial, Peter denied knowing his cherished teacher three different times. His fear trumped his love, leading him to violate his sacred commitment. Is there anything remotely comparable to that scenario developing in your own sphere, Virgo? If you recognize any tendencies in yourself to shrink from your devotion or violate your highest principles, I urge you to root them out.  Be brave. Stay strong and true in your duty to a person or place or cause that you love.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
Marketing experts say consumers need persistent prodding before they will open their minds to possibilities that are outside their entrenched habits. The average person has to be exposed to a new product at least eight times before it fully registers on his or her awareness. Remember this rule of thumb as you seek attention and support for your brainstorms. Make use of the art of repetition. Not just any old boring, tedious kind of repetition, though. You’ve got to be as sincere and fresh about presenting your goodies the eighth time as you were the first.

SCORPIO
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
In Cole Porter’s song “I Get a Kick Out of You,” he testifies that he gets no kick from champagne. In fact, “Mere alcohol doesn’t thrill me at all,” he sings. The same is true about cocaine. “I’m sure that if I took even one sniff that would bore me terrifically, too,” Porter declares. With this as your nudge, Scorpio, and in accordance with the astrological omens, I encourage you to identify the titillations that no longer provide you with the pleasurable jolt they once did. Acknowledge the joys that have grown stale and the adventures whose rewards have waned. It’s time for you to go in search of a new array of provocative fun and games.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
The English writer William Wordsworth (1770-1830) wrote hundreds of poems. Among his most famous was “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud,” which is also known as “Daffodils.” The poem sprang from him after a walk he took with his sister around Lake Ullswater in the English Lake District. There they were delighted to find a long, thick belt of daffodils growing close to the water. In his poem, Wordsworth praises the “ten thousand” flowers that were “Continuous as the stars that shine / And twinkle on the milky way.” If you are ever going to have your own version of a daffodil explosion that inspires a burst of creativity, Sagittarius, it will come in the coming weeks.

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Your subconscious desires and your conscious desires seem to be at odds. What you say you want is not in precise alignment with what your deep self wants. That’s why I’m worried that “Don’t! Stop!” might be close to morphing into “Don’t stop!” — or vice versa. It’s all pretty confusing. Who’s in charge here? Your false self or your true self? Your wounded, conditioned, habit-bound personality or your wise, eternal, ever-growing soul? I’d say it’s a good time to retreat into your sanctuary and get back in touch with your primal purpose.

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Sometimes you’re cool, but other times you’re hot. You veer from acting aloof and distracted to being friendly and attentive. You careen from bouts of laziness to bursts of disciplined efficiency. It seems that you’re always either building bridges or burning them, and on occasion you are building and burning them at the same time. In short, Aquarius, you are a master of vacillation and a slippery lover of the in-between. When you’re not completely off-target and out of touch, you’ve got a knack for wild-guessing the future and seeing through the false appearances that everyone else regards as the gospel truth. I, for one, am thoroughly entertained!

PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20):
How can you ripen the initiatives you have set in motion in recent weeks? Of the good new trends you have launched, which can you now install as permanent enhancements in your daily rhythm? Is there anything you might do to cash in on the quantum leaps that have occurred, maybe even figure out a way to make money from them? It’s time for you to shift from being lyrically dreamy to fiercely practical. You’re ready to convert lucky breaks into enduring opportunities.

Homework: Before bed on the next five nights, remember everything that happened during the day. Do it with compassion and objectivity. Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.
 

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